Worker: “Is there anything I can help you with?”

Me: “No, I think we are good.”

Worker: “Well, could you pretend to be getting my help so I could look to see if the Star Trek movie I have been looking for is here?”

(I look at the aisle I had just entered and see all of the ‘Star Trek’ movies out on sale because of the new movie coming out that weekend. I smile.)

Me: “Oh, of course!”

Worker: “Thank you!”

(He takes a look and smiles really excitedly.)

Worker: “Yes, they have [Star Trek movie] and in Blu-ray!” *gets back into character* “I hope I was helpful.”

Me: “You were! Thank you!”

(I’m nine months pregnant and my husband and I are at the movie theater. About half an hour into the movie, I realize that I am in labor and we need to leave. My husband and I go to the customer service desk to see if we can get our ticket money back.)

Husband: “Hi, we were in [Movie] but my wife is in labor. Is there any way we could get a partial refund or something?”

Clerk: “Um… hang on. Let me get my manager…”

Manager: “So, I understand you want a refund because you decided to leave your movie?”

Husband: “My wife is in labor. We didn’t just decide to leave.”

Manager: “How do I know she’s in labor? She could be faking it.”

(Just then, my water breaks all over the floor.)

Me: “Oh, s***, we have to go now!”

Husband: “You still think she’s faking it?”

(The manager prints us two ticket vouchers, while looking suspiciously at my belly.)

Manager: “I should get proof, but I’ll let you have it this time!”

(My baby was born less than an hour later.)

This story is part of the second Pregnancy roundup!

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(A customer is browsing our sale frying pans, which are gift boxed. On top of the pile of boxes is a frying pan that has been taken out so customers don’t keep opening new boxes to look at them.)

Customer: “Excuse me, are any of these out on display? I don’t want to buy one if I don’t know what it looks like.”

Me: “Yep, there’s this one right here.”

Customer: “Oh, I didn’t think it was the same one. It looks different to the one in the picture. The one in the picture has vegetables in it.”

(I laugh politely, thinking it’s a joke.)

Customer: “So, are there vegetables in the box?”

Me: “Um… no. It’s just a frying pan, and a glass lid. If there was food in there, it would go off.”

(The customer continues browsing, while I am called away to help someone else. As I am passing back by the first customer, I notice he is roughly pulling a new frying pan out of the gift box, tearing it up.)

Me: “Uh, do you need some help here?”

Customer: “I just wanted to see what this frying pan looks like before I buy it.”

Me: “It’s exactly the same as the one on display. We put that out so everyone can see what it looks like. That way, people will stop pulling new stock out of boxes and wrecking them.”

Customer: “I know, but I want to see what this one looks like. Yes, this should be fine. Oh, but the box is all torn up. Can you give me a discount for that?”

(I am a cashier in a grocery store that has a basket of free suckers at each register. They’re supposed to be for kids, but every now and then an adult will ask for one. We usually don’t mind. An elderly customer and her middle-aged daughter come through my checkout lane.)

Elderly Customer: “Oooh, suckers! Are they free? I want a sucker!”

Daughter: “No, those are for kids.”

Elderly Customer: “I. WANT. A. SUCKER!”

Daughter: “No, mom, they’re for little kids. You’re not a little kid, are you?”

Elderly Customer: “YES I AM! NOW GET ME A GOD-D*** SUCKER, B****!”

(I just hand the elderly customer the basket, and back away slowly.)

(The head librarian is showing us how to look up someone’s account if the student doesn’t have their ID in order to check out books.)

Head Librarian: “Okay, so with me so far? At this screen you enter this access code [code] and voila! Now this works for students, teachers and even administrators, so you can check things out to anyone.”

My Friend: “What if they want to pay their late fees?”

Head Librarian: “Oh, you can find all that on this screen. See? You have access to all the student’s information: library records, late fees, grades, address, social security number, whatever you need!”

(My friend turns to look at me with a surprised and slightly horrified look. I immediately turn to the head librarian.)

Me: “Uh, did you just show us, two underage students, how to get anyone’s name, address, and social security number? And this anyone includes all the students, teachers, and faculty members?”

(The head librarian turns to me as her jaw drops.)

Head Librarian: “I… should not have done that. You two go dust or shelve something. I’m going to change my access code now.”