(My brother, two cousins and I have just returned from a shopping excursion.)

Me: “So, Mom, I’ve got bad news and good news. Bad news is, [Cousin] bought the wrong coffee instead of the one that fits your coffee maker.”

Mother: “Why weren’t you paying attention? It’s always the same with you!”

(I stay dutifully quiet.)

Mother: “Well, and the good news?”

(I leave and come back with a huge box.)

Me: “The good news is [Brother] and I took care of that.”

(We show her, her brand new coffee maker.)

Me: “Happy Mother’s Day!”

(My husband and I decide to order pizza from a place which going out of business. I walk in with my infant son in his carseat. Although there are four girls at the counter, not one pays attention to me for a good ten minutes. Finally, I speak up.)

Me: “Excuse me.”

Girl #1: “Ugh, what?! Can’t you see I’m talking?”

Me: “Uh, I’m here to pick up a pizza.”

Girl #2: “That’s, like, not our job.”

Me: “Well, can you get the person who’s job it is?”

Girl #2: “Fine! Gawd!”

(She storms off to the back, while her friends roll their eyes at me. My son starts to get fussy, so I reach down to play with him. I have a very large tattoo across my shoulders, memorializing my parents who died in a car crash.)

Girl #1: “Do you see that piece of s*** on her back?!”

Girl #3: “Oh my god.”

Girl #4: “Ha! No wonder she’s so rude. She’s a f***ing goth!”

Me: “Who the f*** do you think you are, little girl.”

Girl #4: “You can’t talk to me, li—”

Me: “The h*** I can’t! You and your friends have been nothing but rude since I got here! And I—”

(A large man appears. His name tag says manager.)

Manager: “Ma’am you can’t talk to my employees like that.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Manager: “These girls are the best employees I’ve ever had.”

Me: “If they are, no wonder this place is closing. I will be taking my business elsewhere.”

Manager: “YOU NEED TO PAY FOR THE FOOD!”

(I leave anyway. The store closed not long after that, and guess which four girls decided to apply at my restaurant? I may have been rude, but those girls should never work in food service!)

(At my restaurant, they’ve recently hired a shift manager and are training her. However, she constantly helps guests at the register without permission, and always makes mistakes because she hasn’t been trained on it yet.)

General Manager: “You know you’re not supposed to be working the register yet.”

Manager-in-Training: “I already have experience, so it doesn’t matter. I know how to use it.”

General Manager: “You’re supposed to be training on expo today. Then you can move on to register.”

Manager-in-Training: “How am I supposed to learn anything when you constantly have me doing dishes and serving?! Whatever! I’m going on my break now!”

General Manager: “It’s not your turn for a break yet.”

Manager-in-Training: “Yes it is! I am working a four hour shift today and it is the law that you give me my break!”

General Manager: “Fine. If you would like a break, why don’t you go sit down and do your training paperwork?”

(Instead of doing her paperwork, she sends an email to the regional manager complaining. Apparently, the regional manager wasn’t too pleased: a week later, my coworkers and I noticed she wasn’t on the schedule anymore.)

Me: “Hi! Extra large steeped tea, please.”

Employee: “Three milk, one sugar, right?”

Me: “Nearly! The exact opposite.”

Employee: “Oh, okay. One sugar, three milk.”

(My family and I did pictures at a [superstore] about two months ago. For a month and a half, my mother had been trying to get them, only to find out the photo studio went out of business, taking all the money and delivering none of the remaining pictures. After getting the runaround for weeks, my mother gets a phone call.)

Picture Lady: “Hi, is this [Mom’s Name]?”

Mom: “Yes, who is this?”

Picture Lady: “This is… did you take pictures in the Conway [superstore] a while back?”

Mom: “Yes. I have been trying to get them for months.”

Picture Lady: “I have your photos; if you have not received a refund, I can bring them to you.”

Mom: “Really! Where?”

Picture Lady: “Meet me over at Starbucks.”

(They meet.)

Mom: “I am so glad that you have these.”

Picture Lady: “Yeah, I am just glad that I got ahold of you. When they closed up shop they never bothered to tell us, and ever since I have been trying to track all of you down to get your pictures to you. After all, these are peoples’ families we are talking about here.”

Mom: “You have no idea how much this means to us. Thank you!”

(If you are reading this, Picture Lady: I just wanted to let you know how much this really does mean to us. My grandmother in the picture just got a pacemaker put in and we do not know how much time we have left with her. My sister is a Marine and could be deployed soon. My daughter has never had a professional photo before, so this is a big first for our family. Being able to take those pictures with them meant the world to us and now to have them back means even more. Thank you!)