(I am a regular in my favorite store for comics, books and board-games. The owner is a big fan of one of the big labels, while I prefer the other. We’re talking about new comics, when a young woman enters the store. She starts talking to the owner.)

Young Woman: “Hey, I would like to start with [my preferred label] comics; could you help me?”

Owner: “Sure, no problem.”

(The owner turns to me.)

Owner: “Hey, you know [label] comics better. Would you help?”

(The three of us begin to talk about the comics. An overdressed girl enters, and overhears me talking about my favorite series.)

Overdressed Girl: “Are you f****** stupid? Those stories are s***, and they’re for little children. Read [other label of comics which is written mainly for children]; they are for cool people.”

Owner: “Stop talking like this, or I’ll kick you out.”

Young Woman: “I… I don’t know what I should read.”

Overdressed Girl: “A girl? Girls don’t read comics. Not even if they are as fat and ugly as you are.”

(The girl is not fat; she seems to be fighting her tears.)

Owner: “Shut up and leave. NOW!”

Overdressed Girl: “I’m the hottest person in here! You can’t make me leave! I’m the hottest in here, and all boys want me!”

(I turn to the young woman who is by now almost crying.)

Me: “Hey, you know she’s wrong. You’re much prettier then her! Uhm… do you… want to go out sometime?”

(The overdressed girl storms out. The young woman looks at me like I’m crazy. The owner is laughing hard.)

Owner: “Nice one!”

Young Woman: “T… thanks.”

Me: “Yeah… so, what about that date?”

(We started dating soon after, and are now engaged!)

(My family has come down for a vacation, and we have rented a bunch of movies. I’m female, and have invited my girlfriend to come over to watch it with us. We have a very unusual relationship, but most of my family is used to it.)

Girlfriend: “You’re a glass blowing monkey!”

Me: “Them’s sounds like fighting words to me!”

Girlfriend: “A duel to the death it is!”

(We jump over the back of the couch and roll up old newspapers before having a ‘sword’ fight. We’re running all throughout the house, and in front of the television; disturbing the movie. My immediate family are acting as if nothing is happening.)

Cousin: “Is this really happening?”

Sister: “Is what happening?”

Cousin: “They’re tearing through the house fighting each other with newspapers, and you’re all sitting there like it’s normal!”

(My girlfriend and I slap each other in the neck. This usually means we’re both ‘dead’, but she also gets my thumb, which accidentally gives me a paper cut.)

Me: “You’ve got me! It is over; I shall die a slow agonizing death from the wound of a worthy opponent.”

Girlfriend: “It was a fantastic accident! Don’t fret my love; I will carry you on my back to the nearest apothecary and give my own life for yours if I must!”

Cousin: “Really guys? This isn’t weird?”

Father: “Shush! You’re ruining the movie.”

(I am taking my five-year-old son to the optometrist for his yearly eye check-up.)

Doctor: *to my son* “So, are you have any trouble seeing things?”

Son: “Well, my regular vision’s fine, but I’m still working on my x-ray vision.”

This story is part of the World Sight Day roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

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(We have recently found pinworms in our children. After having taken the medicine, we pay more than usual attention to hygiene.)

Wife: “Don’t scratch your rear; you can get the worm eggs on your fingers. You suck them, and you can re-infect yourself this way.”

Daughter: “But I scratch with this one…” *shows index finger* “…and suck this one.” *shows thumb*

(Both of my parents and I enter the corridor leading to our movie theater. Suddenly a bat flies past down an intersecting corridor, going back and forth.)

Mom: “Oh, god! I can’t get past! THERE’S A BAT!”

Me: “Mom, just run past when it’s at the other end of the hall.”

Mom: “I CAN’T! It’s going to fly into my hair!”

Me: “That’s a myth; they don’t aim for your hair.”

Mom: “YES THEY DO! Don’t lie to me!”

(Dad laughs, and we finally encourage my mom to run across. She screams the whole time. She continues screaming as she runs up to a random movie theater patron.)

Mom: “THERE IS A BAT OUT THERE! DID YOU HEAR THAT SCREAMING? THAT WAS ME!”