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(D)efinitely (V)ery (D)umb

, , , , | Right | May 21, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [store], how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, you just rented me this movie, and it doesn’t work.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “It keeps playing the same scene over and over again.”

Me: “The same scene keeps playing?”

Customer: “Yeah, and it has these words written on it. ‘Play’, ‘Scene Selection’, ‘Language’ and ‘Special Features’.”

Me: “Uh, sir, that’s the DVD menu. You just have to click ‘Play’ and the movie will start.”

Customer: “Well, that’s the first time I’ve heard of that. How do I do that?”

Me: “Uh, just hit the arrow buttons on your remote until you get to ‘Play’, then hit ‘Enter’ and the movie will start. Or, if you have a ‘Play’ button, just hit that.”

Customer: “Okay, where is that on my remote?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t know what your remote looks like.”

Customer: “Never mind, I found it. Okay, I’m clicking ‘Play’. Well now it just went black! Oh, now it has something different. Can you stay on the line with me for a little to make sure that scene doesn’t start repeating again?”

Hard Sell, Soft Drinks

, , , , | Right | May 21, 2010

Customer: “Hi, do you have any diet soda water?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t think that exists.”

Customer: “Yeah it does. I’ve bought them here before.”

Me: “Well, diet soda water is pretty much diet water.”

Customer: “That’s okay, too. Do you have that?”


This story is included in our impossible requests roundup!

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Crumbled Translation

, , , , | Right | May 21, 2010

Customer: “I need a rain check.”

Me: “All right, what do you need it for?”

Customer: “Old, rotten potatoes.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t think I heard you right. Would you please repeat that?”

Customer: “Old, rotten potatoes!”

Me:” I don’t believe we sell those.”

Customer: “Yes, you do. I saw them in the sale flyer!” *points to a flyer which says ‘Au Gratin Potatoes’*


This story is part of our Tongue-Tied Customers roundup!

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Early Bird-Brained

, , , | Right | May 21, 2010

(I am at work doing a before-opening clean of the trolley handles and checkout counters.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I’d like to buy these now, please.”

Me: “Um, ma’am, I’m not a checkout operator.”

Customer: “Yes, but I’m here now and I’m running late, so can you just run these through the scanner for me?”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s five-thirty. There are no checkout operators as we don’t open for another hour and a half.”

Customer: “Oh, I was wondering why there wasn’t anyone in the deli, but that’s okay because I went back behind the counter and got the ham out the freezer.”

Me: “Ma’am, you’re not allowed to do that. How did you get in? The doors are locked until the security guard gets here.”

Customer: “Oh, I broke the window because I thought your door wasn’t working. Can you run these through for me now?”

 

Stupidity Bytes

, , , , , , | Right | May 20, 2010

Me: “Thanks for coming in! Anything I can help you find today?”

Customer: “I need the Internet.”

Me: “Okay. You need to get connected to the Internet at your house?”

Customer: “No! I need the Internet, idiot. Don’t you guys sell them here with lots of gigglebites and dial-up modems and the like?”

Me: “You need a computer tower then? We have plenty of those.”

Customer: “No! I need the Internet! My friend has an Internet and it’s fast and has ten gigglebites.”

Me: “Okay, I will do everything I can to help you. I would also recommend you grab a copy of one of our guides; that should be a great help.”

(I show him a copy of Computers for Dummies.)

Customer: “Does it come with the Internet?”


This story is part of our Tongue-Tied Customers roundup!

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Want to read the roundup? Click here!