(My new boyfriend and I have gone on a ski trip with a bunch of my extended family, including several small children. After seeing my boyfriend give me a quick kiss, this exchange happens.)

Four-Year-Old Kid: “Are you gonna marry [Boyfriend]?”

Me: “Um… I don’t know.”

Four-Year-Old Kid: “But he kissed you!”

(My grandmother is known throughout the family to make crazy recipes and foods that are ‘delicious.’ One weekend, I have to sleep over at her house.)

Grandma: “Hey, [My Name]. I have some lemon sorbet in the freezer.”

(I’m not exactly sure if this is safe to eat, because it’s in a rather crusty looking old tupperware, but I take a bite anyway. The ‘sorbet’ is really creamy, and mysteriously salty.)

Me: “Nana, this is frozen cream cheese.”

Grandma: *tastes cream cheese* “Are you crazy? This is lemon sorbet!”

(We ended up going out for ice cream.)

(My mother is very strict and after much pleading, she allows me to play at a friend’s. I’m seven years old.)

Mom: “Now, if they offer you food, DON’T TAKE IT! Who knows what kind of chemicals they put in their food.”

Me: “But I’m not going there to eat. I’m going to play.”

Mom: “Just say you won’t eat anything there! Otherwise, you can’t go and we’re turning around right now!”

(Scared that she would change her mind about letting me play with a friend, I agree that I won’t. My mom drops me off and my friend shows me to her room where we play games. A few hours pass and my friend’s mom calls out for us.)

Friend’s Mom: “Dinner time! You too, [My Name]!”

Me: “Um… I can’t.”

(They all look at me like I’m crazy, looking very offended.)

Friend: “Why not?”

Me: “I promised my mom that I wouldn’t. Otherwise she’ll never let me play at someone’s house again…”

(They look very shocked and start eating, while I watch with my stomach rumbling in hunger. It is extremely awkward and I can tell that they’re offended. Finally my mom comes to pick me up.)

Mom: “How was it? Did you have fun?”

Me: “I guess. They offered me food but I didn’t take any. I think they were insulted.”

Mom: “… Oh. It’s okay!”

(Even 15 years later, I still remind my mom about that when I want to point out how old fashioned her thinking is and every time she claims not to remember.)

(It’s a Sunday, and my best friend and I are going to the movies along with his little sister. However, the theater has closed early and we instead decide to go to a restaurant nearby. We order some appetizers and are just chatting. My friend works at a grocery store and still has his polo and nametag on. He’s not one of the sharpest knives in the drawer but he’s a really good person. We notice one of the bus girls approach us.)

Worker: “Hi. You’re [Friend], right?”

Friend: “Yeah, how’d you know that?”

Worker: “My name is [Worker]. Don’t you remember me?”

Friend: “Uh…” *pulls the ‘oh, yeah’ face* “I think I actually do! How you been?”

Worker: “I’m lying. We’ve never met before.”

(At this point his sister and I laugh hysterically.)

Me: “You get a high five for that!”

Sister: “Can I shake your hand?”

Worker: “I’m sorry. You had your nametag on and I just couldn’t resist.”

(My friend has a really good sense of humor and appreciates a good joke. As we’re leaving, we tip the waitress and he gives an extra tip to the bus girl as well.)

(My sister and I are dining at a restaurant. We are seated next to the soda dispenser.)

Sister: “Waiter, can I get a refill?”

Waiter: “Sure.”

(The waiter pinches the mouth of my sister’s glass and refills her soda. We see that because of the way he is holding the drink his fingers have touched the liquid. The waiter returns with my sister’s drink.)

Sister: “I’m sorry, but did you put your fingers in the soda?”

(I believe the waiter has misheard because he gives her a very puzzled look and then puts one of his fingers into her soda.)

Me: “Um… she was saying that you put your fingers into her soda when you were refilling it.”

Waiter: *goes wide-eyed as this dawns on him* “Oh! Sorry!”

(He sheepishly took his finger out of the drink, then went back to the soda dispensers to get my sister a new glass, making sure to watch where his fingers ended up.)