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New at CES: Unending Serial Bus

, , , | Right | January 28, 2011

Customer: “I need a USB cable.”

Me: “For which device?”

Customer: “For my computer!”

Me: “But you will plug it in somewhere?”

Customer: “Yes, in my computer!”

Me: “But what’s at the other end of the cable?”

Customer: “What other end?”

So Gullible It’s Hard To Believe

, , , , | Right | January 28, 2011

(A customer has used the store’s emergency exit, setting off the alarms. A husband and wife walk up to my cheese display while the alarms sound.)

Wife:  “What’s that sound!?”

Me: “Oh, that’s just the employee alarm.”

Wife: “Employee alarm?”

Me: “Yes, it tells the managers that one of the employees tried to escape the building, so they can retrieve them.”

Husband: *chuckles*

Wife: *serious, eyes wide* “Oh, that’s awful!”

Me: “Don’t worry. By now they have already sedated them and locked them back in the closet with the rest of the off-duty employees.”

Wife: “They lock up the employees?!”

Me: “Only when they are not being used. It stops them from being late to work, you see.”

Wife: “Someone needs to do something to help these poor–”

Husband: “Dear, he is joking. That was a door alarm.”

Wife: “Oh… are you sure?”

Husband: “Yes.”

Wife: *looks relieved and walks away*

Husband: *laughs* “Thank you for that!”

Me:  “I’m glad you enjoyed it. Try some cheese?”


This story is part of the Humorless Customers roundup!

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Read the Humorless Customers roundup!

Hot Flashes Of Inspiration

, , , , , | Right | January 27, 2011

Me: “Here’s your change, ma’am. Have a great day!”

Customer: “Oh, how pleasant! Excuse me, dear, but what is your name?”

Me: “Why, it’s Katie.”

Customer: “Katie, huh? Katie… what a gorgeous name! Why, if I hadn’t already gone through menopause, I would have named one of my kids after you!”


This story is part of the Worryingly Weird Checkout Encounters roundup!

Read the next Worryingly Weird Checkout Encounters roundup story!

Read the Worryingly Weird Checkout Encounters roundup!

Church At The Checkout

, , , , | Right | January 27, 2011

(A customer and her young daughter come up to my register.)

Me: “Hi there! How are you going?”

Mother: “I’m good, thanks!”

(Her daughter spots the sponge we use to make the bags easier to open.)

Daughter: “It’s the sponge! The sponge of baptism!”

Me: *speechless*

Daughter: “The sponge of baptism!” *places finger on sponge and wipes her forehead*

Mother: “We’re not even religious…”


This story is part of the Worryingly Weird Checkout Encounters roundup!

Read the next Worryingly Weird Checkout Encounters roundup story!

Read the Worryingly Weird Checkout Encounters roundup!

Safe To Say It’s Nacho Brightest Moment

, , , | Right | January 27, 2011

Me: “Good evening, guest services. This is [My Name]. How may I assist you?”

Guest: “This is absolutely ridiculous! You need to get someone up here right now! This God d*** microwave in my room isn’t working! You had better fix this immediately!”

(Our hotel does not have microwaves in guest rooms unless the person is a VIP or they request one in advance.)

Me: “I am so sorry, Mr. [Guest]. I can certainly have someone come take a look at it right away. If I may ask, did housekeeping bring this microwave to your room?”

Guest: “No! It’s the microwave that is in the room! My nachos have been in this d*** thing for over twenty minutes and they’re not even hot yet!”

Me: “I see, sir. Can you tell me where it’s located in your room?”

Guest: “It’s the one that’s right under the television! I want my nachos and you better figure this out now!”

Me: “Sir, is this microwave an off-white color with a keypad on the right of it?”

Guest: “Yes!”

Me: “There’s not a little window like a normal microwave would have, is there? It’s just a little digital display screen, right?”

Guest: “That’s exactly it. It only displays how long I set the time for! I want my nachos twenty minutes ago. Can you get someone up here immediately?! This is absurd!”

Me: “Again, sir, I apologize that your nachos are not hot. However, I believe I’ve figured out what the problem is. The device you’re placing your nachos in is actually your safe.”

Guest: “Oh… Oh, my God. I’m so f****** stupid!”

(He actually called back down later and apologized.)


This story is part of our Nachos roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Reasons Why You Need To Eat A Chocolate Chip Cookie Today!

 

Read the next story in this roundup!

Read the Nachos roundup!