(I am buying ‘Keep Off the Grass’ signs for my lawn. I am usually very socially awkward but I love talking to associates. I am currently talking to one about the signs.)

Me: “We live on the corner of two streets so people walk through our yard all the time. I wouldn’t mind except they throw their trash on the ground. I even caught a moving guy doing it. I don’t want to be rude, but I have no choice.”

Employee: “Yeah.”

Me: “It’s not like they are going to abide by the signs. I might have to sit on my porch and watch for a few hours.” *jokingly* “Maybe follow them home and throw it on their lawn.”

Employee: *laughs* “Yeah, you should.”

(Suddenly a customer comes up to both of us talking about drug deals on her lawn and AK47s. We smile and nod, hoping she will go away. Once she does, we look at each other.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I’m usually the weird customer, but somehow I attract even weirder…”

(I am friendly with our neighborhood postal delivery lady, and always chat with her when taking the dog out for his afternoon walk. She was telling me about the new neighbors that just moved in.)

Postal Lady: “Hey, how are you doing?”

Me: “Good. Yourself?”

Postal Lady: “I tell you, I have to deal with some pretty stupid people on my job. You’re going to like this. Do you know where the new neighbors just moved in?” *points to the house*

Me: “Yeah. What about them?”

Postal Lady: “Well, the other day, when I was when I was delivering their mail, the lady came screaming, waving her arms, running out of her house, because she wanted to ask me if she wants to mail something what does she need to do.”

Me: “Okay…”

Postal Lady: “So I tell her if she puts something in the mailbox, just put the flag up. Then she asked, ‘What flag? You never gave me a flag!’ So I showed her, by moving it up and down. She responded, ‘I don’t think that you are very intelligent. That is NOT a flag. A flag is a piece of fabric on a pole. This is just piece of plastic!'”

(I start laughing.)

Postal Lady: “Wait, it gets better. Today, when I delivered her mail, the ‘flag’ was up. And in it I found this:”

(She showed me an envelope with a handwritten address, and where the stamp should have been was a square that read ‘First Class Mail: No Stamp Needed of Mail in the USA’ that was cut out of a piece of junk mail and taped on to the envelope.)

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(I make a quick stop at a grocery store one afternoon. I am using the self-checkout when I can’t help but overhear a couple at the self-check stand behind me.)

Lady: “Why isn’t it working?”

Man: “I don’t know. Just set it on the scanner.”

Lady: “It still isn’t doing anything. Why won’t it scan?”

(My curiosity finally gets to me and I turn to see what the problem was. The couple has a bell pepper, without any barcodes or stickers on it, and are trying to figure out why the scanner can’t read it. I just stand there staring at them in shock when the attendant walks up to assist them.)

Attendant: “Oh, here, I’ll show you. There’s no barcode on that. You have to find the code.”

Lady: “What!?! Why does it need a barcode?”

(I am an RA, or resident assistant, walking back to the dorm with some of my residents.)

Resident: “So, [My Name], do you party a lot?”

Me: “No. Not at all, really.”

Resident: “Yeah? So you never get drunk or anything?”

Me: “Nope. To be honest, I hate beer. I think it tastes like cat pee.”

Resident: “Yeah, I think beer smells like diluted water.”

Me: “How do you dilute water?!”

(I’m a pretty forgetful person. I have trouble remembering names, locations, etc. I am in summer school and am making friends with people when a girl and I really hit it off and started talking about our favorite anime. We’d said our names earlier, but not too long ago.)

Me: “Oh, hey! What’s your name, again?”

Girl: “[Exact Same Name As Me].”