Customer #1: “And that’s all today!”

Me: “Alrighty!” *hands over food* “Is there anything else with that today?— Oh, sorry, programming. Have a nice day!”

Customer #1: *laughs and walks away*

Me: *to Customer #2* “Have a nice day— Argh! I mean, having a nice day? I mean— Hi, what can I get you?”

Customer #2: “You’re glitching a little, dear.”

Coworker: “I think she just needs a reboot.”

(My studio works on multiple shows, and one of them was recently canceled. Half of the team of the canceled show were absorbed into other shows, laying off people from other teams. A week after this occurs, I’m having lunch with one of the directors for a show that had to let people go because of this.)

Director: “The last week has just been so rough.”

Me: “Yeah, but at least you still have your job.”

Director: “True, but I don’t think anybody could feel as bad as I do since I had to let people go.”

Me: “You do realize that you’re talking to one of the people you had to lay off, right?”

(I do a lot of support for products I sell online via direct chat in text. Often google translate is used by customers. Unfortunately, my customer doesn’t know I speak Spanish and begins to rely on the translator. Please note that ‘tenía’ is past tense for ‘I have’ and ‘tenia’ means ‘tapeworm.’)

Me. “Ah, it appears that you unlinked the product. That’s okay; I’ll send you a new one.”

Customer: “Ah, tapeworm is my culpa!”

(My friends and I now use that for ‘my bad.’)

(As a cashier one of biggest pet peeves is when people eat the items before paying for them.)

Me: “Hi. How are you today?”

(I instantly notice customer has three boxes of tomatoes, and is eating away.)

Customer: “Hi…” *continues eating one of the boxes of tomatoes*

Me: *scans all three boxes* “Your total is [total].”

(The customer, still chewing away, swipes her card.)

Me: “This card was declined.”

Customer: “Can I try again?”

(There are only two tomatoes left in box she ate from. She swipes the card again.)

Me: “It was declined.”

Customer: “Let me try another card.” *swipes card*

Me: “That was declined also.”

Customer: “Let me just go to the ATM to get cash. I’ll be right back.”

(The customer never came back and got away with eating almost an entire box of tomatoes for free.)

(I am in a bank after losing my purse, looking visibly distressed, in the queue after dealing with a customer service agent that was no help.)

Bank Teller: “May I help you, sir?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m not a ‘sir.'”

Bank Teller: “Oh. Do you mind if… I… uh…”

Me: “Ask if I’m transgender?”

Bank Teller: “Yes.”

Me: “Yes, I am. I have just lost all my cards, and I can’t get replacements issued, because they’re saying I’m not who I say I am.”

Bank Teller: “That’s fine. Someone I’m close to faces similar issues to you. If you can just confirm some security details, I can get you some new cards and give you some money from your account.”

Me: “Brilliant, thank you.”

(After confirming my details:)

Bank Teller: “I have an idea; I could place a note on your account. It may not help, but next time you could mention that if they look in the customer notes that you are a transgender person. Here:” *shows me some text on the screen*

Me: “That’s perfect. Thank you.”

Bank Teller: “No worries. You shouldn’t be faced with more problems when you’re already having a bad day.”

(Thank you, anonymous bank teller. You restored my faith in humanity!)

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