All of our stories, starting with the newest!
(My mother has come to visit and I’m picking her up at the airport. I’ve just checked the arrivals to see if she’s landed and am heading to her gate, when she calls me on my cell phone.)
Mom: “I’m here!”
Me: “Yes, I see.”
Mom: “Oh, you can see me?”
Me: “No, I don’t see YOU. I can see that your plane landed. Where are you?”
Mom: “I’m still on the plane.”
Me: “Mom! Then how…?”
(My brother and his family are preparing to move for his new job. His two boys are five and almost two.)
Nephew: “Mom, are we keeping the bird cage?”
Sister-In-Law: “Yes, why?”
Nephew: “Good, because if I catch a bird, it can be our other pet. Then we can have two pets.”
Sister-In-Law: “Two pets? What other pet do we have?”
Nephew: “[Younger Brother].”
(I go through the drive-thru for a burrito and my total cost is $1.06.I hand the cashier $10.10. After about 30 seconds of staring at the money in the drawer…)
Cashier: “How much did you give me?”
Me: “Ten dollars and ten cents.”
(She hands me back $9.)
Cashier: “Is that right?”
Me: “Close enough.”
(We have been getting some very welcome rain, but it has resulted to driving away the few potential customers we have. This means that many times, my shift is cut off early because we are overstaffed compared to the customer volume. I am counting one book section one rainy day when my store manager comes over.)
Store Manager: “[My Name]… I’m afraid I’m going to have to lose you. Permanently.”
(I feel the color drain from my face.)
Store Manager: “No, I’m just kidding! But seriously, I have to lose you. I know. It’s so sad.”
(He fake cries, leaving me very confused and disoriented. I know he likes to mess with his workers, but at this point, I’m not so sure.)
Me: “So… just for today?”
Store Manager: “Yes, yes, for today! Trust me, if it were permanent we’d be having this conversation in the back. Like, ‘Uh, [My Name]… we need to talk.'”
Me: “Well, I assure you I had nothing to do with that burned down orphanage— I mean, shhh!”
(I’m a university student. I am out of town to stay with family for a few weeks, and my house that I rent was sold from a previous owner to a real estate firm, where I now need to pay my rent. Because I’ve been out of town, I didn’t get a letter from them and I was a few weeks behind on rent, so they called me.)
Realty: “Hello? Is this [My Name]?”
Me: “It certainly is! How can I help you?”
Realty: “You need to give us three weeks of rent NOW!”
Me: “Um, excuse me? I was told I’d be contacted regarding my new rent agreement…”
Realty: “Didn’t you get a letter?! We need the money now!”
(It turns out my housemate didn’t tell me about the letter either, so I was in the wrong there and agreed to pay the missing weeks plus rent for the next fortnight, which came up to over $700, almost all of my savings from my student payments. I transferred it that day to the account they gave me in an email. The next day…)
Realty: “Hello? Is this [My Name]?”
Me: “Yes it is. How can I help?”
Realty: “You still owe us over 21 days of rent! When will you be paying us?”
Me: “Now, hang on; I paid all of my rent to you yesterday. I even sent a receipt in an email as proof.”
Realty: “Well, I haven’t seen that email!”
Me: “You sent me a reply of ‘thanks.'”
Realty: “Um… well, that should be in order then.”
(And now today…)
Realty: “Hello? [My Name]?”
Me: “Yes, that’s me.”
Realty: “Your rent is still overdue! When are you going to pay us for the missing 21 days?!”
Me: “I’ve sent it to you! I sent both you and another employee that called! I don’t owe you any more money for the next fortnight!”
Realty: “Where did you pay it to?”
Me: “I sent an Internet transfer to the account YOU emailed me!”
Realty: “You mean [Account Number]?” *pauses* “Oh. I see your email. You put in the wrong number! Didn’t you check the number?! It has a two after the first digit and you left it out!”
Me: *checks her email* “There’s no two anywhere in this account number you sent me.”
(There is a silence as I assume she checks the email.)
Realty: “… I’ll mark your file as ‘not your fault.’ Make sure you pay us when the payment bounces back to you. Have a nice day.”
(Hopefully they leave me alone and I actually get that payment back! I’m moving out to a different realty next month!)
