(When vacationing at this company’s theme parks, I am often asked questions as if I work there, even though I don’t dress or look like their typical employees. It may be just because I plan ahead and look like I know where I’m going. I am walking with my two sons, both of whom are under ten years old. Two 20-something guests approach:)

Guest #1: “Excuse me, which direction does the parade come from?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know. I’m not a cast member.”

Guest #1: “Huh? Then what do you do?”

Me: “What?”

Guest #2: “What DO you do for [Theme Park Company]?”

(First and only time I’ve said ‘I’m not a Theme Park cast member,’ yet the guests still thought I MUST still work for the company!)

(The district manager of the fast food chain is in the building making sure everything is up to standards, so the store manager is a bit tense. I am working on the drive-thru window, where we have a target time of 90 seconds from starting the order to delivering the food. A driver pulls up to the order box.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Uh… I’d like a… hmm, number… three? And… uh, no pickles on that.”

Me: “All right, number three with no pickles. What would you like to drink?”

Customer: “Umm, make it… a, uh… Sprite. No, wait. Uh, do you have… diet Sprite?”

Me: *eyeing my timer and wishing he’d hurry up* “No, sorry. Is regular Sprite okay?”

Customer: “No, change it to… a Coke.”

Manager: “[My Name], timer’s ticking.”

Me: “So I have a number three, no pickles, Coke to drink. Will that be all for you today?”

Customer: “No, no, I’m not done. I also want… a number…” *trails off and starts talking to someone else in the car* “…a number nine.”

Me: “And the drink with that?”

Manager: “You’re usually good on the drive through, but if you don’t hurry this up you’ll be in trouble.”

(I mouth ‘sorry!’ at him.)

Customer: “A milkshake to drink.”

Me: “Yes, sir, which flavor?”

Customer: “Uh… chocolate? No, not chocolate… Umm… Strawberry. Yeah, strawberry.”

Me: “Anything else?”

Customer: “Uh…”

Manager: “What is taking you so long?!”

(He grabs a headset to listen in on the order.)

Customer: “I want a… uh… kid’s meal. With… uh… hmm… chicken nuggets.”

Me: “And the drink for that one, sir?”

Customer: “Ummm…”

Manager: *with his headset muted* “…Oh. Carry on.”

(I work at a well-known electronics store in the computer department.  I am at the customer service desk finishing up with another customer when the phone rings. Seeing that the customer service reps are all busy I take the call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I would like to speak to someone in computers.”

Me: “I can actually help you. What questions do you have?”

Caller: “Oh… I thought I called the customer service desk.”

Me: “You did. I just happened to be up here and answered the phone.”

Caller: “Well, I would really like to talk to someone in computers.”

Me: “I do work in the computer department. I was just up here…”

Caller: “Could you please transfer me to computers so I can talk to a computer salesman?”

Me: “Okay… please hold.”

(My manager is standing close by and asked what is going on. I explain the call to him and tell him I am going to go to the computer department to take the call. My manager decides to follow me since he knows my sense of humor and is sure this is only going to get better. Once in the computer department I pick up the call.)

Me: “[Store] computers. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Aren’t you the guy I just asked to transfer me to computers?”

Me: “Yes. I am in the computer department. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I WANT SOMEONE WHO WORKS IN COMPUTERS!”

Me: “Sir, I do work in computers and I am fact in the computer department. How can I help you?”

Caller: “DON’T LIE TO ME. YOU WORK IN CUSTOMER SERVICE AND I TOLD YOU I WANT TO SPEAK TO A COMPUTER SALESMAN NOW OR I WILL TAKE MY BUSINESS ELSEWHERE!”

Me: “Okay, sir, please hold.”

(I hang up the phone and get the grin on my face that my coworkers as well as my manager know means I’m thinking up something good. After a few seconds I pick the phone back up.)

Me: *in an obviously fake Australian accent* “G’Day, sir! How can help you?”

(My manager and coworkers are covering their mouths to hide their laughter.)

Caller: “Finally. I have a question about the computer in your ad.”

(I answered all the customers questions still with an Australian accent, and tried hard not to laugh myself. The customer thanked me and stated that he will be in later to pick up the computer. My manager told me the next day that the caller came in after my shift and asked to speak to the nice Australian man that helped on the phone. It was all he could do to keep a straight face.)

(I’m in an arts and crafts store where they wear white polos and green aprons, wearing my light blue local theme park uniform. I’m approached by a foreign customer.)

Customer: *heavy Indian accent* “Can you show me where the buttons?”

Me: “Oh, sorry, I don’t work—”

Customer: “BUTTONS. Can you show me where the buttons?!”

Me: “I could grab an employee.”

Customer: *stares at me expectantly*

Me: “Uhhm. Right this way.”

(I proceed to show him where I was pretty sure the buttons were. He thanks me and I walk off. Figure it was easier than the truth!)

(This happens at the hotel breakfast of an anime convention. My friend is not an early riser.)

Friend: *is trying to feed her glass of orange juice a muffin by pressing it on the side*

Me: “What are you doing…?”

Friend: *looks at me* “Eating a muffin…”

(We look at each other, and then I look at her hands again, still prodding the muffin against the glass. She looks down too.)

Me: “That’s not how you eat a muffin.”

Friend: “I have no idea what I was trying to achieve.”