(My sister-in-law has just finished having her first child by Caesarean section. My brother was present for it.)

Brother: “I love you on a whole new level, babe.”

Sister-In-Law: “Oh, that’s so sweet!”

Brother: “Now I’ve seen your internal organs.”

(I’ve met a guy I really like while traveling for work. After a lovely week together, our work locations both move and we are separated but still keeping in touch. Although it’s clear we’re both rather fond of each other, we’ve carefully avoided using the word “love” due to the distance problem. One night on the phone…)

Guy: “At lunch today I saw wild rice soup on the menu and I said, ‘I love wild rice soup!’ And then I thought how stupid it is that I can say I love soup, but I can’t say I love you.”

Me: “Hey, [Guy]?”

Guy: *keeps talking* “I mean, why is everyone so afraid of those words? Why does it have to be such a big deal? It’s really—”

Me: “[Guy]!”

Guy: *finally stops* “What?”

Me: “I love you.”

Guy: “Oh, my god. I love you, too!”

(I will always have a special place in my heart for wild rice soup after this!)

(My boyfriend and I are 30 and 22 respectively, and he has a 14-year-old daughter. We are visiting his uncle in Mississippi for Christmas. He and his uncle go out to get groceries while his daughter is in the shower. She texts me from the bathroom.)

Daughter: *through text* “[My Name], can you go get my dad, please?”

(I walk over and knock on the bathroom door.)

Me: “Dude, your dad and [Uncle] went to the store. What do you need?”

Daughter: “Well… could you get me a thingy?”

Me: “A thingy?”

Daughter: *nervous* “You know… a thingy… that some people, like women, use…”

Me: “[Daughter], I’m a girl. You need a tampon or a maxi pad?”

Daughter: “A pad, please. They’re in my suitcase.”

(I get her a pad and slip it to her through the door.)

Me: “You know, dude, I have the same plumbing as you. It’s not weird to ask for things like that.”

(When I told her dad later, he cracked up. I’m going to teach her to call it ‘bubblegum’ from now on so she feels less awkward.)

(I’m at my friend’s mom’s house sitting in the living room with her family. My friend’s older sister has injured her ankle and diagnosed herself with tendonitis. She hasn’t stopped whining, and my friend is tired of it.)

Sister: “Well… it says I need a walking boot. That’s stupid. I’m just going to suck it up.”

Friend: “If it hurts, wrap it.”

Sister: “It hurts so badly. I just don’t want to look stupid with a cast.”

(She continues to read off treatments and complain for another five minutes, insisting she’s just sucking it up.)

Friend: “If you’re going to suck it up, shut the f*** up and do it!”

(The sister threw her phone and pouted until we went home.)

(My grandmother is a terrible cook. One St. Patrick’s Day, she makes corned beef and cabbage. My sister and I are totally turned off by the smell and the weird color, and she finally coaxes us to try one tiny bite. We both spit it out and make gagging noises.)

Grandma: *exasperated* “FINE! I am never cooking for you girls ever again.”

Sister & Me: *in unison* “Thank you!”

This story is part of the Saint Patrick’s Day 2022 roundup!

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