(I am working at the drive-thru and our customer traffic is far higher than usual. A vehicle drives up to the pick-up window. It’s a large white fleet van for an HVAC contractor, and the driver is wearing matching overalls. I read his order from the monitor.)

Me: “That’ll be [amount], please.”

Customer: “I haven’t ordered yet.”

Me: “You didn’t order [items]?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Then why are you in line?”

Customer: “I cut in line. I want you to take my order now.”

Me: “Sir, that’s not fair to the many vehicles in line behind you. Please get in line and order like everyone else.”

Customer: “I’m f**** here right f**** now, and you’re gonna take my f***** order!”

Me: *pointing at headset* “I can’t take your order unless you use the radio unit by the menu at the start of the line.”

Customer: “I wanna talk to your manager!”

(My manager had been listening in on the other headset, and was already at the window.)

Manager: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “This f***** won’t take my order!”

Manager: “I will take and fill your order personally, but only after you personally explain to all the cars in line behind you why they have to wait an extra fifteen minutes because of you.”

(The customer launched into a hysteric stream of profanity and drove away. My manager was already dialing the HVAC contractor’s phone number written on the side of the customer’s van. The HVAC contractor’s boss assured us that a stern reprimand would be in order.)

(Whenever someone leaves the store, I have to wish them a good day. I usually do this just as they get to the entryway, since it’s closest to my counter and I don’t have to shout that way. I see a gentleman customer leaving the store, so I call out:)

Me: “Have a good day!”

(The customer jumps, looks up all around at the top of the entryway for a minute, and then leaves, leaving me a little annoyed for being ignored. He returns a few minutes later, to talk with a another customer. They both turn and start to leave; they get to the entryway and I call out :)

Me: “Have a good day!”

(The customer jumps (again), but this time looks around him, and sees me.)

Customer: “Wait, that’s YOU saying that?!”

Me: “Oh, uh, yeah. I tell every customer to ‘have a good day’ as they leave.”

Customer: “Oh, I didn’t realize you were saying it; I thought it was a recording!”

Me: “Haha, no, sir, it’s just me. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “You, too!”

(I have no idea where the customer has ever encountered a store where a disembodied voice wished him a good day upon leaving, but it must be nice!)

(It is April 15^th and I work in a tax office. The office is actually fairly quiet, as most of our clients have already completed their taxes or filed extensions, so I have more time to answer calls. The phone rings, and I answer.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help?”

Caller: “I think I’m in trouble. I already filed my taxes a month ago, and wrote a check, but it hasn’t cleared yet.”

Me: “Are you a client of ours?”

Caller: “No. Do you think the IRS got my check?”

Me: “You said you sent it a month ago? Did you mail it certified?”

Caller: “No. Do you think they got it?”

Me: “I’m 99.9% sure the IRS did not get your check.”

Caller: “How do you know?”

Me: “They’re extremely quick to take your money. They were even taking payments during the government shutdown.”

Caller: “Crap, what do I do? Can I call the IRS?”

Me: “You technically can call the IRS, just not today.”

Caller: “Why not?”

Me: “It’s deadline day. During the off season hold times are measured in hours. Today you’d never even get through. Plus, it’s past seven on the east coast, so I’m pretty sure all the agents are drunk right now.”

Caller: “What do I do?!”

Me: “Stop payment on the first check, write another one, and get thee to the post office and send it certified. You have forty minutes. Have a good day!”

(I work in a call center for paid TV service. They’ve recently lost a major broadcasting contract over the price for some VERY popular channels. Said channel viewers are known for being… let’s say fanatical.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Provider]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “What’s happened to [Channel]?”

(I explain the expiring contract, reasons behind it, and how we are trying to resolve it. Then I brace for the outrage I am getting all too used to.)

Customer: “Why they being so mean to you guys?”

Me: *dumbstruck over this response* “I… uh. don’t know but I guess everyone wants more sometimes.”

Customer: “They’re just being greedy! I’ll wait this out; don’t let them get what they want!”

Me: “Uhh… well, I guess I’ll report that as feedback.”

(This was hands down the most polite person on this issue I have talked to so far. This call single-handedly made every other call that day seem much better!)

(I’m standing outside the main gates of where I live waiting for my ride when another resident comes out to check the mail with her cute hyper four-year-old son.)

Me: “Hi, [Resident]. Hi, [Son]. How are you?”

Son: “SPIDERS!”

Me: “Well, okay, then.”

(About a week later I bump into them again:)

Me: “Hi, [Son]. How are you today?”

Son: “I have a red towel. Do you have a red towel? I like this car.” *points at the car in front of us* “I read a book about a black cat today. Do you like purple? My favourite colour is green. Hey, mum can we go on a train and see some tigers?”

Me: “Wow! Okie dokie, then.”

Resident: “Yeah, we’re taking him to tested for A.D.H.D tomorrow…”