(I work with teenaged girls in a group home.)

Resident: “Ms. [My Name], are there any more sausage breakfasts left?”

Me: “Yes, in the door at the top.”

(I didn’t give her more detail because she knew they’d be in the freezer section at least. Five minutes later…)

Resident: “Ms. [My Name], there aren’t any left.”

Me: “I saw one in there earlier and no one else has gone into the fridge, so it should be there.”

(I follow the resident to the kitchen and watch her search. She opens the freezer door.)

Me: “At the top.”

(She looks in the middle, on the bottom…)

Me: “It’s at the top. Right there, in the door…”

(She is now looking in the actual freezer; she closes it, opens the refrigerator, and doesn’t find it, of course.)

Me: “It’s in the freezer door! At the top!”

Resident: “No, it’s not. I looked there!”

Me: “It’s there. Right there. Right in front of your eyes!”

(She reaches into the top compartment and finds the package.)

Resident: “Oooh! Why didn’t you tell me it was there!”

(I’m in my early twenties but I look younger than I am. Many people comment on it, asking if I’m old enough to be a cashier. This happens near the end of my shift one night, close to my twenty-second birthday.)

Me: “So, your total comes to [total].”

Customer: *as he’s paying with his card* “You look young, but you have the mannerisms and grace of someone in their twenties and sound older than you look.”

Me: “Thank you?”

Customer: “You look young, but you’re probably mid-twenties, maybe 24?”

(After two years of people saying I look like I’m 12, or that I look too young to work, this is the best thing to hear. I must be grinning like crazy at this.)

Customer: “Based on your expression, you don’t hear that too often.”

Me: “You have no idea. I’m close to 22, but your guess is the closest I’ve heard in the two years I’ve been working here.”

Customer: “Seriously? You have the manner and grace of someone in their early-to-mid twenties!”

Me: *handing him his receipt* “Thank you for that. Not many people are happy to be asked if they’re older than they are. Have a good night!”

(I work at a small airport in Louisburg. We don’t have many commercial planes fly in but when we do they are normal small bush planes with only a few people on board. We have had a runway problem and can’t let any planes take off today, as the runway is having work done.)

Pilot: “Excuse me, but why has my flight been canceled?”

Me: “We are having a problem with our runway and can’t take any flights today.”

Pilot: “Well, that’s bull-s***. I was just out there and it was fine.”

Me: “I’m sorry but as you can see…” *points out to runway with workers* “There are people working on it today.”

Pilot: “NO! I SEE NOTHING. NOW LET ME THROUGH TO GET TO MY PLANE!”

Me: “Sir, I’m very sorry but I cannot let you through. Can you please calm down; I will be able to get you in the air first thing tomorrow.”

Pilot: “No, I’ve had enough of you. Out of my WAY!”

(He then pushed me out of the way and onto the floor and started to walk over to the hanger. I scrambled to my feet and called the workers and my supervisor to tell them what was coming, and called the police. The other worker and I sprinted over to the hanger and managed to get the hanger door closed before he could start the plane. After a while the police came and took him away, as he was going to try and take off with people working on the runway!)

(I’m playing at a creek with a friend when I find the largest fishing spider I’ve ever seen sitting on the rock by the water where a bunch of minnows are swimming. I adore spiders.)

Me: “[Friend], look! I found a spider! Isn’t she beautiful?”

(My friend walks over, takes one look at it, and smashes it with one of her flip flops, then knocks its body into the water. I’m currently in too much shock to form a response.)

Friend: “If you hadn’t told me it was there, it would still be alive. Now you’ve learned for next time.”

(She did things like this many times over the years, knowing well enough that it would upset me. Unsurprisingly, several years later we had a huge falling out and I refuse to even speak her name now.)

(I am in first grade and lining up outside the cafeteria for lunch. I’m walking along when I randomly decide to hop the last two steps into the cafeteria. A teacher assigned to watch the students spots me and immediately rushes over.)

Teacher #1: “What are you doing!? You don’t play in the cafeteria!”

(She drags me by my arm over to a nearby chain-link fence and I’m told to face the wall and wait until everyone else goes in. After about five minutes I sneeze very violently, smashing my head into the fence and making a loud racket.)

Teacher #1: “What did I tell you about making a commotion! That’s it; stand here and face the wall and DON’T MAKE A SOUND, YOU LITTLE BRAT!”

(She pushes me into a corner outside the entrance and goes into the cafeteria to check on the other kids. After my lunch period ends she doesn’t come back but, too scared to do anything, I simply stand there for the next 90 minutes as the second and then third graders have their lunch. Eventually a new teacher shows up to watch the final shift with the fourth graders when she spots me still standing in the corner.)

Teacher #2: “Hey, kid, why aren’t you in the cafeteria?”

Me: *tearfully* “But, I’m not supposed to leave.”

(Teacher #2 tries to lead me into the cafeteria to eat, but I refuse to, saying that my lunch period is over and I have to get to class.)

Teacher #2: “Wait, how old are you?”

(After saying I’m in the first grade, she immediately takes me to the office.)

Teacher #2: ” Principal [Name], I found your missing first grader.”

(It turned out that my classroom teacher had phoned into the office that I had been missing for the last two hours and had most of the staff in the school looking for me. Eventually Teacher #1 walks into the office where she ended up being forced to explain why she detained me for so long. After spending several minutes going on about ‘deviant behavior’ and ‘moral failings’ the principal blatantly tells her to list every school violation she saw me perform.)

Teacher #1: *sputtering* “Well, the little brat was hopping around like some demented animal into the cafeteria!”

(Apparently this was more than enough in her mind to justify holding me for so long. Thankfully, the principal disagreed and she was removed from the supervisor roles.)