Never Take A Shot At Guessing Pregnancy

(I’m at a bar and I’ve ordered a shot. The bartender sets it on the bar in front of me, but before I can drink it, a woman storms up, grabs it, and dumps it out on the floor.)

Woman: “What the h*** do you think you’re doing? You’re going to be a terrible mother.” *to the bartender* “And you should be fired! This is the most irresponsible thing I’ve ever seen!”

Me: “Um—“

Woman: “No, you listen to me. You can’t drink when you’re pregnant! I should report you to the police; you’re going to—”

Me: “Lady. I’m not pregnant; I’m just fat. Jeez.”

(She stared at me for at least a minute, then stammered out an apology and told the bartender to replace my drink on her tab.)