Messy Eating Is An Artform

I am waitstaff in a busy Italian restaurant when an angry-looking diner comes strutting up to me.

Customer: “My child has spaghetti sauce all over his shirt!”

I look over. Her child is maybe three years old, with an adult portion of spaghetti and very messy ragu all over his face, table, and most importantly his very, very white shirt.

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, spaghetti and white shirts usually don’t go well together.”

Customer: “Get me your manager! What are you going to do about this?!”

I go get the manager and tell him the situation. He does not suffer fools. He goes up and speaks to the mother, who loudly harrumphs and storms out with her family.

Me: “What did you do?”

Manager: “Offered the kid a free chocolate ice cream and said maybe they can make a Jackson Pollock.”