Marriage Goes To Pot

(The family has been helping my aunt move out after an ugly divorce. Some jewellery and knick-knacks cannot be found, and my grandmother is outraged.)

Grandma: “Make a list! I’m calling the police! We’ll take him for all he’s worth!”

(She calls the police.)

Grandma: *on the phone* “…a heirloom necklace, some rings, diamond and sapphire, oh, and the bag of marijuana. The bag of marijuana was stored in the jewellery box, as well.”

Me: “Grandma! You can’t report that to the police! It’s illegal!”

Grandma: “… hush, dear. It’s only illegal if you smoke it out of a crack pipe! They call that ‘freebasing’, and it’s very bad for you! That’s why we always use cigarette papers. It’s medicinal!”

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