Language Is Just Plain Weird

In the Glasgow city centre, there are a variety of nightclubs that are typically licensed to operate and, of course, to serve alcohol until 3:00 am. To cater to the drunk and hungry crowds which fill the streets after the clubs close, a number of fast food restaurants operate in the nearby vicinity. Some years back, in my clubbing days, a friend and I were very excited to try a new American sandwich chain that had opened near our favourite club.

We both ordered and stood at the counter to watch our sandwiches get made and overheard a conversation between the two staff on duty — one of whom had an Australian or New Zealand accent — that concerned us a bit.

Worker #1: “I know the restaurant is new, but I can’t believe how short-staffed we are! There were some jobbies in the kitchen when I started earlier.”

In the Scottish vernacular, “jobbie” is slang for poop.

Friend: “Um, pardon?”

Worker #1: “What was that, mate?”

Me: “Oh, yeah, what was that you were saying about there being crap in the kitchen?”

Worker #2: “Yeah… What are you talking about?!”

Worker #1: “What are you guys talking about?! I never said there was crap in the kitchen!”

Everyone Else: “You said there were jobbies in the kitchen!”

Worker #1: “Uh-huh, so what?”

Friend: “What do you think that word means? Because here, it means ‘crap’.”

Worker #1: *Laughing* “Oh, man, I didn’t know that! Where I’m from, it’s just a word we use to describe ‘temp workers’.”

At that point, we all pretty much fell about laughing (especially my friend and me) and advised [Worker #1] that they might want to be careful about how they use that word in Scotland going forward.

Apologies to the Antipodeans among us; this story goes back about fifteen years and I was drunk, so I can’t remember if the worker was from Australia or New Zealand, but I’d be very grateful if you could confirm this translation for me!