He’d Better Hope Santa Isn’t Coming To Town

It is Christmas, and I am restocking some items in our seasonal aisle. A little boy, maybe around five or so, has seen one of the chocolate Advent calendars — twenty-four little Cadbury chocolates behind little doors counting down to Christmas Day. I turn away to stock something, and then I turn back to see one of the display calendars on the floor and the boy furiously chewing something in his mouth.

Me: “Excuse me, did you just take a chocolate from one of those Advent calendars?”

The boy simply gives me the middle finger and laughs with his mouth wide open. He has chocolate in there, all right.

Me: “Where are your parents?”

Boy: “F*** you!”

Me: “Right, that’s it.”

I shout out to the adults in the aisle, asking if anyone is his parent or guardian. As I am doing so, the boy starts pulling down more merchandise.

Me: “Stop that! I am calling security!”

Suddenly, an adult customer appears, and she is scowling at me.

Customer: “Don’t shout at my son!”

Me: “Then your son shouldn’t be swearing at staff and destroying merchandise.”

Customer: “He’s a child! He’s just venting energy!”

Me: “He can vent it outside where he isn’t damaging stock.”

Son: “But I want my toys!”

Customer: *To her son* “Soon, poppet. Mummy just needs to speak to the manager.”

I happily call over the manager, who arrives just in time to see this little jerk giving me the finger yet again.

Manager: “Ma’am, please control your child, or we will need to escort both of you out.”

Customer: “You can’t do that! He’s just being a little boy!”

Son: “Mum! I want my toys! Santa only brings me one toy, and I want more!”

Me: “Santa isn’t real!”

Everyone stops for a second. Maybe the adults are silenced by my lack of decorum, but the boy has stopped because his little worldview just took a hit.

Son: “You’re a liar!”

Me: “Santa is a lie parents tell their kids to force them to be good, not that it’s working on you.”

My manager gives me the unspoken gesture to walk away and calm down. I do so, but slowly, so I can still hear the customer.

Customer: “What are you going to do about her?! She’s causing my son distress!”

Manager: “Ma’am, let’s face it. If Santa was real, would your son be anywhere near his ‘nice’ list?”