(My friend has several birth defects, which means she can’t use stairs or walk long distances and is legally viewed as disabled. We stay with her for support when she has to use an elevator/lift to go one or two floors up or down, as people can ridicule her for it. Today, we’re going up one floor to use the library and are getting the lift with a group of guys who are clearly friends.)

Guy #1: *sees we’re going up one floor* “Oh. That’s just lazy.”

Me: *calmly* “She has several birth defects, meaning she’s in pain just standing let alone using the stairs. It also means she needs a double hip replacement and she’s only 17.”

(The guys are silent.)

Guy #2: *to Guy #1* “Bet you feel like a right d*** now.”

(My best friend and I are very comfortable around each other to the point that people assume us to be a lesbian couple. Today we are taking my seven-year-old cousin Halloween shopping.)

Me: *holding kiddo’s hand* “So, what do you want to be for Halloween?”

Kid: “I want to be a witch or a bat.”

Best Friend: *holding kiddo’s other hand* “Should we get spooky blood, too?”

Kid: “Yes!” *starts jumping, using our hands to swing back and forth*

Best Friend: “We should do something for dinner?”

Me: “Okay. I could always cook something?”

Best Friend: “We should have fish tonight.”

Me: “Yes, dear.”

Best Friend: “…you know, this might be why people think we’re a gay couple. We look like her parents.”

Me: “I don’t care, as long as I’m the husband.”

(I’m the lifeguard at a school. I overhear a conversation between two eight year old girls.)

Girl #1: “What if your birthday was on your wedding day?”

Girl #2: “DOUBLE CAKE!”

(My boyfriend and I are on our way home and decide to stop off for some take-away pizza.)

Boyfriend: *gets in right turn lane behind another car driven by woman*

Woman: *looks startled and takes off away from us, and quickly takes the next turn left into a shopping area*

Boyfriend: *sees his way clear, makes his right turn, and then takes the next left turn as well*

Woman: *looks even more startled and takes the next left inside the parking lot*

Boyfriend: *calmly takes the next left as well*

Woman: *abruptly does a u-turn and leaves the entire shopping area*

Boyfriend: *parks car in front of pizza parlor*

Me: *laughing* “That poor woman.  I think she thought we were following her!”

(I work as a graphic and web designer. A few weeks before Christmas, I’m having dinner with a good friend after work.)

Me: “So, today I spent most of my time designing this year’s Christmas card for our company.”

Friend: “Sounds like fun!”

Me: “It was! I sometimes say it’s the most joyful thing to do each year. I brought a proof print with me. Look!”

Friend: *studies card closely*

Me: “So, what do you think of it?”

Friend: “Beautiful. Yes… it is…” *studies card more closely*

Me: “Yes…?”

Friend: “I can’t say… ummm…”

Me: “Umm? I mean, you see what it is, right?”

Friend: “Well… honestly, it’s too difficult, I guess. I’m sorry.”

Me: “It’s a Christmas cookie…”

Friend: “Well, of course I can see that! But I think I don’t get the deeper meaning.”

Me: “It’s a Christmas card! It’s for our customers. There is no deeper meaning!”

Friend: “Oh! Well since you made it, I figured… there had to be a deeper meaning!”

(That’s why I love my friends so much!)