(I live in on-campus housing with two other girls. We aren’t the best of friends, but we get along decently enough. It is almost the end of my final year [though both my roommates will be there another year] when we get a summons for a meeting with the campus housing commission about the state of our apartment. Admittedly, cleaning had gotten away from us a bit, but we haven’t received any notification that it was considered unacceptable by the school.)

Me: “So guys, let’s just emphasize in the meeting that it was late in the year, so cleaning had gotten away from us, and that if we HAD received the warnings that were supposedly given to us, we’d have gotten right on it. I’ll take responsibility for the kitchen and my part of my room when we get done, since those are my areas. Sound fair?”

Roommate #1: “Yeah, sounds good. It is pretty messy after all.                  ”

Roommate #2: “No problem.”

(At the meeting, the mediator asks me my side of the story and I say exactly that. But then she gets to my roommates…)

Roommate #1: “Well, I’m always staying at my boyfriend’s apartment, so I’m hardly ever there to make a mess!”

Roommate #2: “And I pretty much stay in my room, so anything else isn’t me!”

(I’m staring at them both aghast at this point – they are essentially trying to blame the entire problem on me.)

Interviewer: *seeing my expression* “Well… I know that [My Name] is graduating in a month or so, but I really doubt that she managed to make all that mess by herself. [My Name], do you use the living room much?”

Me: “N-no, I watch TV on my computer, and I eat at my desk in the kitchen. I don’t have a reason to be in the living room.”

Interviewer: “That’s what I thought…” *turns to my roommates* “So, ladies, there isn’t really anything I can do to Miss [My Name] as she’ll be gone next year, but you two should know that if the apartment isn’t properly clean once you move out that there WILL be consequences, right?”

(I didn’t speak to them for the rest of the day, when move out time came I took care of my part of the apartment, but I didn’t lift a finger to help them with their mess!)

(In my high school friend group there is one girl who is always annoying everyone by being very selfish and demanding, and she has some serious delusions of grandeur, but since the rest of us can’t drive and she has a car we put up with her. This story happens between her and another friend of mine.)

Friend: *calling annoying friend* “Hey, I’m at the grocery store. You don’t need to come get me; I can just walk since you aren’t that far.”

Annoying Friend: “No, I’ll come get you. It will be faster.”

Friend: “Don’t worry about it. I’m going to walk; it’s nice out and you only live like 10 minutes down the road.”

Annoying Friend: “But, if I come get you we can hang out faster.”

Friend: “I said no, thank you. I still have to buy my stuff and I really don’t mind the walk. It’s not like we really have anything planned to do.”

(My friend bought his stuff, and walked to her house; only to find out when he got there she was not home. He waited outside for a half hour before he finally saw her driving up. Apparently, she ignored him and drove to the store anyway. Turned out she waited the half hour with her car running, waiting for him. When she got home she had wasted half a tank of gas and demanded he pay for it. He refused to pay, telling her that he had told her not to come pick him up and that is wasn’t his fault she wasted her gas. After a long list of ridiculous and annoying thing on her part, none of us talk to her anymore.)

(I have recently returned to school after being away many weeks due to my mom passing away. One day I’m walking down the hallway, talking to my friend when I suddenly hear my name called.)

Girl: “[My Name]!”

(My friend and I turn around to see a girl running up to us.)

Girl: “Hey, [My Name], how are you doing?”

Me: “Uh… good, I guess?”

Girl: “I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for your loss. Your mom was an amazing woman.”

Me: “Oh, thanks.”

(Without another word the girl turns and walks away. My friend looks at me in confusion.)

Friend: “Who was that?”

(I frown.)

Me: “I have no idea.”

(My birthday is in December. The year ‘Napoleon Dynamite’ comes out, I spend WEEKS emphatically telling my mother’s fiancé that I have no interest in the movie and don’t want it. For my birthday, he gives me ‘Napoleon Dynamite’ on DVD. I toss it in a corner and do my best to forget about it, but when he visits for New Year’s, he insists we (him, myself, my mother, my sister, and my girlfriend) watch it. I submit because I can’t stand the idea of ever actually arguing with him, but I do not enjoy the movie at all, and am irritated and restless throughout. As midnight approaches, we pause the movie to watch the ball drop in New York.)

Girlfriend: *looking at me as we turn the movie off* “I have never seen as much hate in your eyes as I see right now.”

(I’m on a bus with a friend of mine while she’s playing on her phone. I’m spacing out through the window when she suddenly yells.)

Friend: “YAY! WE’RE PREGNANT!”

Me: *whirls* “Huh?!”

(The whole bus is staring at us, made especially awkward by the fact that we’re both girls.)

Friend: “Oh… oops… No, no, it’s my Virtual Families game on the iPhone! My people just had a baby!”

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