Fanny Whack

(A customer walks in. His clothes are a bit mismatched and he’s wearing a fanny pack. The eyes are bloodshot and he’s sporting a huge smile on his face. I’m relatively new at this point.)

Me: “Hi, sir, welcome to [Deli]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Um, yeah, can I get some monkey brains?”

(He’s completely serious if a little under the influence, so I go with it.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, we’re fresh out today. Truck comes tomorrow.”

Customer: “Dang, how about some mermaid?”

Me: “Mermaid isn’t in season yet, sir, but our tuna is pretty good.”

Customer: “Bummer. Well, how about your brownies? They got pot in them, right?”

Me: “No, sir, we switched bakeries just last week.”

(After ordering about half of our menu and asking if everything that had a green dot next to it [indicating something organic] has pot in it, he pays and eventually leaves. I’m left in tears as I’m laughing so hard. When my manager asks me what’s going on, I explain what happened.)

Manager: “D***! I missed Fanny Pack Guy?!”

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