Don’t Forget To Microwave Them Goodbye As They Exit The Store

(I am working the returns desk. I look up to see a lady and her husband coming through the door with this rather large and battered box in a shopping cart. The customer is returning a microwave, in particular, a type which we had a recall on in the past due to it not wanting to shut off and burning itself up.)

Me: “So, what was the problem with the microwave?”

Woman: “It blew.”

Me: “Didn’t shut off and burned up?”

Woman: “No. It blew.”

(I am gritting my teeth. It is everything I can do to not tell her that’s the definition of “burned up.”)

Me: “It blew up?”

Woman: “No. It’s blue. It doesn’t match anything in my kitchen.”

Me: *blinks* “What?”

Woman: “It’s blue. Blue like the sky.”

(I pick the microwave box up and start opening it. The woman gets somewhat angry with me, starting off on this rant about how I don’t trust her or something, how she hates the store; you know — the usual “I pay your check” rant.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I just haven’t ever seen a blue microwave before. That’s all. I have got to see this.”

(Opening the box, I blink and then realize that the woman has made a mistake. So I gently tell her that no, the microwave isn’t blue. This does not go over well. She starts in on that rant again, going on about how stupid I am, questioning my intelligence, and noting that a “southern” person can’t be trusted; this is in Georgia, but she has a THICK New York accent. As she’s carrying on her rant, I start picking at the corner of the top I’ve exposed. My manager at this point has come over, which starts the whole “It blew/blue” thing again. About halfway into that, I manage to get a good hold on the plastic coating on the microwave. Giving it a good hard yank, producing a wonderfully loud ripping sound, I remove about half of the protective film off the microwave, revealing the stainless steel underneath.)

Me: “It’s not blue now.”

(The woman just stared at me, looked at the microwave, and back to the manager, all the while making this open mouth motion like a fish out of water. The manager had this funny grin on his face, and you could tell he was trying NOT to laugh in her face. Eventually she realized the stupidity of what she had done, and how this “southern” boy just made her look stupid. Needless to say, she took the microwave home.)