(Our Amtrak train from San Francisco has been delayed. We’ve missed our connection and we have been given cash, hotel vouchers, and airline tickets to Buffalo, NY. We take a taxi from downtown Chicago to Midway. Because Amtrak has given us a generous cash allowance, I give a more than usual tip of $15 on a $35 fare.)

Taxi Driver: “Hey, this tip is not enough!”

(He holds out the $15.)

Me: “Let’s see that.”

(I take the $15, and put it back in my pocket.)

Taxi Driver: “S***! You can’t do that!”

Me: “Yes I can. If you have any more complaints, make them to that cop over there!”

(He drives off, cursing.)

(My store serves a variety of health-drinks. Some of these are concentrated and fairly potent, so we serve them in the form of a ‘shot,’ although they don’t contain any alcohol. A customer comes in with two rowdy young children and orders one of our shots. Her kids are running around and shouting in the background.)

Customer: “I’m taking them back-to-school shopping today, and—STOP FIGHTING, JUST STOP—sorry.”

Coworker: “Here’s your shot ma’am!”

Customer: “Alright kids. Mommy’s going to take her shot now! At 10:30 in the morning! What am I doing with my life? At least it’s just wheatgrass…”

(I’m working the drive thru.)

Me: “Hi there, please place your order when you’re ready, thanks.”

Customer: “Hi, could I get a [popular burger combo] with extra extra extra mayo, please?”

Me: “Sure, that was [burger] with add mayo?”

Customer: “Can you add more than that?”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Sure, I’ll add extra extra mayo. That’s [total], drive on up.”

(When the customer gets to the window, I pack up her order, and laugh. They’d written ‘+mayo +mayo +mayo’ all over the burger wrap.)

Me: “Here you go, miss, with extra extra extra mayo.”

Customer: “Thank you!” *opens up the bag, and laughs* “Or, should I say, thank you, thank you, thank you?”

(At my store, we try to send out baggers with customers who have the electric carts so they can bring them back inside and keep them charged. We don’t keep baggers on our express ’10-items-or-less’ lanes, so I call down to another register to have a bagger help out the customer I’ve just checked out.)

Me: “Alright, ma’am, someone will be down in just a moment to help you outside. Have a good rest of your day!”

Customer: “Thank you!”

(The customer scoots up a little bit, but not completely out of the line. I begin ringing up customer behind her while the bagger makes her way over to my end of checkout. A customer in my line starts yelling.)

Yelling Customer: “Lady, you need to move!”

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Yelling Customer: “Get out of the way; you’re holding everyone up! You’re not the only person in this store you know!”

(The bagger arrives about this time, and she and the elderly customer proceed outside. I continue checking out people and eventually reach the man who was yelling at the woman. He proceeds to unload his cart and clearly has way more than 10 items.)

Yelling Customer: “Wow, some people are just so inconsiderate. They act like they’re the only people on Earth. They just don’t care!”

Me: “You’re very right. I find there are many folks who are unable to count to 10 as well.”

Yelling Customer: *shuts up*

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