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Love Isn’t The Only Thing In The Air, Part 8

| Irvine, CA, USA | Romantic | October 9, 2013

(My girlfriend lives in an apartment with five other girls, and I have to fart. I go outside to be polite, and she comes outside to see what I’m doing.)

Me: “Babe, don’t come over here. I think I just melted a hole in my underwear with a fart.”

Girlfriend: “That’s okay. I think I just sharted.”

Related:
Love Isn’t The Only Thing In The Air, Part 7
Love Isn’t The Only Thing In The Air, Part 6
Love Isn’t The Only Thing In The Air, Part 5
Love Isn’t The Only Thing In The Air, Part 4
Love Isn’t The Only Thing In The Air, Part 3
Love Isn’t The Only Thing In The Air, Part 2
Love Isn’t The Only Thing In The Air

Put You In A School Daze

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Romantic | October 9, 2013

(While at work, I begin chatting with a customer who looks around my age. She leaves, then comes back ten minutes later with her number on a piece of paper, and tells me to text her. After some texted conversation, the subject of work comes up.)

Me: “Well, you know what I do for a living. How about you?”

Her: “I’m in school.”

Me: “Cool. What college?”

Her: “High school.”

(I don’t respond for a long time, because best-case scenario, she’s at the beginning of her senior year. I know that I look much younger than I am; she must have assumed I was still in high school, too.)

Me: “Not to be rude at all, but how old are you?”

Her: “I’m 16. Why, what about you?”

Me: “21. So…”

(She understands immediately, and spends half an hour apologizing and assuring me I could totally also look my actual age. Then we both summarily delete each other’s numbers.)

Definition Of Study

| Learning | October 9, 2013

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Anger Management Versus Desk Management

| MO, USA | Learning | October 9, 2013

(I am six years old, and my mom comes to pick me up early from school.)

Office On Intercom: “Ms. [Teacher’s Name], can you send [My Name] to the office? Her mother is here to pick her up.”

Teacher: “Okay.” *to me* “Go ahead.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I start gathering materials for homework, and getting everything organized as I am an extremely organized person. I am not making a lot of noise or disrupting the class in any way.)

Teacher: “Hurry up!”

Me: “Okay, I’m just putting everything in the right place.”

Teacher: *yelling* “That doesn’t matter! Just get your things together and get out of my class!”

Me: “Okay, okay, I’m almost finished.”

(The teacher runs over to me, grabs my arm, and screams at me.)

Teacher: “You disrespectful little—”

(The teacher raises her hand to hit me, but at that moment, my mom steps into the room. She decided to walk to my classroom since it was on our way out of the school anyway. She has seen the entire exchange.)

Mom: “EXCUSE ME! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY DAUGHTER?!”

Teacher: “Um… uh… uh…”

Mom: “We will take this to the principal! Come on, sweetheart. Let’s go!”

(When we talk to the principal, the teacher loses her job for the incident, and many others like it in the past.)

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Should Stick To Painting With All The Colors Of The Wind

| MD, USA | Learning | October 9, 2013

(We are discussing Pocahontas in history class.)

Friend: “Wait, didn’t she get some disease and die really young?”

Teacher: “We’re still not sure what disease, but yes.”

(Most of the girl classmates discuss how Disney ‘tricked them’ while my friend has another question.)

Friend: “Where did she get it?”

Teacher: “It was the 17th century. They didn’t have vaccines or any kind of prevention.”

Friend: “…didn’t she get it from having sex with Lewis and Clarke?”

(The entire class just stares at her. Finally, I speak up.)

Me: “Wrong girl, wrong time, and definitely wrong cause.”

Teacher: *still speechless* “I don’t think I’ve ever heard a more wrong statement in my life.”

(She also thought that John Wilkes and John Wilkes Booth were the same guy.)

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