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Taxing Faxing, Part 13

| GA, USA | Working | October 19, 2013

(I work in an expensive emergency tech service firm. I am having a conversation with the IT guy for one of our clients.)

Tech: “So when is our drive going to be shipped back?”

Me: “We return the data to you once the invoice is paid. We can take credit card over the phone, or I can have the office manager email you a Paypal invoice.”

Tech: “Okay, send us a Paypal invoice and we’ll take care of it.”

(A few weeks later…)

Tech: “Hi! I was wondering if you shipped our drive back yet.”

Me: “We can’t ship it back until you pay the Paypal invoice we sent you.”

Tech: “Oh, you sent us an invoice?”

Me: “Yes, we sent a Paypal invoice to your email address two weeks ago.”

Tech: “Oh, well, I’m not sure. Can you fax us a copy?”

Me: “You want me to fax a link so you can pay online?”

Tech: “Yeah!”


Disability Challenged

| WA, USA | Working | October 19, 2013

(My supervisor is in the process of writing his daily report of activity on the construction site. He calls one of the foremen on site for the spelling of his last name.)

Supervisor: “So it’s P-R-… D-R-… P-R-O… No? Okay then.”

(The supervisor hangs up the phone and turns to me.)

Supervisor: “There must be concrete dust in his phone. I couldn’t hear a thing he said.”

(A moment later, the foreman arrives at the field office door, goes straight to the desk and writes his name down.)

Foreman: “There! That’s how it’s spelled, ya deaf b******!”

(The foreman leaves and goes back to working.)

Supervisor: “Hey! I’m not dumb.”

Me: “…he said deaf.”

Supervisor: “Oh.”

(We both crack up laughing.)

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Her Grandson Likes Turtles

| Stoneham, MA, USA | Related | October 19, 2013

(My grandmother is 90 years old. She is not technically senile, but sometimes her age shows. We are at a restaurant and are eating onion rings.)

Me: “No, they are good. They are crispy right?”

Mom: “Yeah, they made them good this time.”

(My grandmother is all smiles across the table as she joins in eating the onion rings. Finally a manager comes over to check on the table.)

Manager: “How is everythin—”

Grandmother: “I LIKE ONIONS!”

Bridging The Gap In Her Knowledge

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Related | October 19, 2013

(We are driving across the West Gate Bridge in Melbourne for a day trip. I’m having a conversation with my mum.)

Me: “There aren’t many cyclists here.”

Mum: “I’m not surprised. It’s a lot steeper than it looks. I rode up the bridge with a group of friends for charity once.”

Me: “Oh, did you? How did you get down again?”

Mum: “We didn’t.”

Me: “No, I mean, how did you get down the bridge? Did you ride? Or did someone drive you because it’s so steep?”

Mum: “No, we didn’t get down!”

Me: “But if you go up, you have to come down again.”

Mum: “…oh yeah.”

Crushed To Death

| USA | Romantic | October 19, 2013

(I’m having a random conversation with a girl who’s fond of me, and I’m kind of fond of too.)

Me: “I keep asking myself how you crushed so hard on me.”

Girl: “What do you mean?”

Me: “You’re smitten, and I don’t know why.”

Girl: “Because you’re wonderful.”

Me: “Wonderful enough to kill people over?”

Girl: “Ha ha. I don’t kill people.”

Me: “You won’t kill people threatening me?”

Girl: “I don’t know; I’ve never been asked that before. I’m not sure I could deal with killing someone. I might try my best to kick their a** though. Probably wouldn’t get very far; I’m not a fighter. I’ve never been in a fight in my life.”

Me: “That’s alright. As long as you can hire a hit-man, I’ll be happy.”

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