Archive for 2013

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Soft Drink, Hard Taste

| WA, USA | Working | October 20, 2013

(We are getting ready to clean up for the night. My coworker is in charge of wiping down the soda machines and cleaning the nozzles. As I come into the back, I notice a very strong ammonia smell.)

Me: “What is that smell?”

Coworker: “That’s the soap for the nozzles.”

Me: “What? Where did you get it from?”

(My coworker hands me an empty packet of bleach concentrate. We use about a quarter of a packet to clean out the drains in our bathroom.)

Me: “What?! You don’t use this with food items!”

Coworker: “Yes you do; it’s soap. You have to use soap to clean things.”

Me: “Not this soap!”

(I point out the soap that we do use, stored above the sink.)

Me: “This is the right one.”

Coworker: “But I always use that soap.”

An Ugly Point Of View

| Taiwan, China | Related | October 20, 2013

(I recently began listening to a band consisting of two members. One is handsome and single, and the other is okay-looking but married.)

Cousin #1: “Do you have a crush on them? Would you date them?”

Me: “Maybe just [Handsome Guy].”

Cousin #1: “Oh, so you won’t date [Okay-Looking Guy]?”

Me: “Well, no, that’s not possible. He’s—”

Cousin #2: “Of course she wouldn’t date him; he’s not handsome enough!”

Me: “No, that’s not why I wouldn’t date him, and that’s a very poor reason to not want to date someone.”

Cousin #2: “But you just said you’d date [Handsome Guy], but not [Okay-Looking Guy].”

Me: “I can’t possibly date [Okay-Looking Guy], because he’s already married, with kids!”

Cousin #1: “Oh. What if it was the opposite? If [Handsome Guy] was married and [Okay Looking Guy] was single?”

Me: “Then I’d date [Okay-Looking Guy].”

Cousin #2: “If I were you, I’d get rid of [Handsome Guy]’s wife, and then date him.”

Cousin #1: “What if they were both single?”

Me: “Then either would be fine.”

Cousin #2: “You’re so weird. Most people like the handsome ones, and would fight for them. Why settle for less?”

Me: “Let’s change topic?”

The Pitfalls Of A Rotten Peach

| Knoxsville, TN, USA | Related | October 20, 2013

(My little sisters, ages two and four, are traveling with my grandfather from Georgia to Kentucky. They’ve been in the car for nearly four hours. The entire time, the two-year-old has been singing the same sentence repeatedly.)

Little Sister: “James and the Giant Peach! James and the Giant Peach. Jaaaames and the Giaaant Peaaach!”

(She waits a few seconds, and then begins yet again.)

Little Sister: “James and the Giant Peach! James and the Giant Peach! Jaaaaames and the Giaaa—”

(My other sister has had enough, and interrupts in a rude, mocking tone.)

Other Sister: “JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH! JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH! JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH! UGH!”

Little Sister: *grinning broadly from ear to ear, clapping* “Sing it again!”

He Likes Her Keyhole

| VA, USA | Romantic | October 20, 2013

Boyfriend: “You’re adorable.”

Me: “You’re a door bell!”

Boyfriend: “You just say that because you like my ding dong.”

Keeping Your Girlfriend On Her Toes

| UK | Romantic | October 20, 2013

(I am walking with my boyfriend. I am complaining because my shoes have given me blisters on both little toes.)

Me: “These shoes are rubbing so much, I think my toes are going to fall off!”

(My boyfriend looks at me for a moment and nods, as if deciding something.)

Me: “What?”

Boyfriend: “I wouldn’t break up with you if you didn’t have any toes. I mean, it’d be weird. I’d prefer that you did have some, but I wouldn’t break up with you if they did fall off.”

Me: “Well that’s… reassuring?”

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