Challenge Accepted – Just Let Me Stretch First

In a past millennium, I got my first real job as a kitchen assistant in a restaurant. I was warned — by the owner who hired me — that the head chef was quite the jerk and liked to play nasty pranks on the new hires, particularly on young women like me. He particularly loved making people feel stupid and small, and he argued that this behaviour made people think more critically. The head chef was, unfortunately, amazingly skilled and high-performing, and it wasn’t possible to fire him, and reprimands went unheeded due to his being irreplaceable. I recognized the red flag, but I needed both the money and the experience.

One day, around midday, the head chef came running in with a small two-liter pot (roughly two quarts), the kind with a single handle sticking out to the side.

Head Chef: “Girl!”

Me: “Yes, chef?”

Head Chef: “We need another ten-liter pot (2.6 gallons)! You have to run to [Restaurant] next door and use their pot-stretcher!”

In Swedish, he asked me to get a “grytsträckare”, which means “pot stretcher”, but Swedes might like seeing the word.

Me: “A what now?”

Head Chef: “Girl! Don’t you know what a pot-stretcher is?”

Me: “No? Is it like a tool or…?”

Head Chef: “How could they hire people that don’t know what a pot-stretcher is? This is disgraceful. I’ll have to talk to [Owner] about this! I mean, how the f*** can you be this incompetent?” *Shoves the pot in my arms* “Do as I say, or you’ll be sorry!”

Bewildered, I looked at the pot, desperately trying to understand what I was supposed to do. Then, I saw a hint of an evil smile glimmering in his eyes, and I remembered the warning. A plan formed in my head.

Me: “All right, chef! I’ll run over there and get the pot stretched! I’m sure they’ll tell me how it works if I don’t figure it out. And if they won’t lend me their pot-stretcher, I’ll be really persistent, and I won’t come back without a bigger pot. You can count on me!”

I made a silly salute and ran off, pot in hand.

Roughly twenty minutes after leaving the restaurant, I slammed down an exact copy of the small pot, but one that was five times the size, next to [Head Chef]. I spoke very loudly to draw the attention of the other staff, who had heard about my impossible mission.

Me: “Here, chef!”

Head Chef: *Staring in disbelief* “What is that?”

Me: “It’s a pot to your specifications! Ten liters, as you told me. It was hard work, let me tell you! The handle almost broke off, stretching that little amount of metal so thin, but I did it! And in record time!”

Head Chef: “But… but…”

Me: “What? Isn’t this what you asked for?”

Head Chef: “But… It… There isn’t…”

Me: “I must say, this was a valuable experience! Thank you! I’ve really learned something today.”

Head Chef: “But… I needed the small pot back. It was my favourite sauce pot.”

Me: “Then why did you ask me to stretch it? You needed a bigger pot, right?”

[Head Chef] looked at the sadistic smiles of the other staff members who had gathered around.

Head Chef: “Well, it’s a better pasta pot now. Get back to work, all of you!”

And so we went, snickering and giggling.

The next day, [Head Chef]’s precious pot had shrunk back to the original size, and when he asked about it, I said that he probably forgot to water the pot. He shut up after that and never mentioned it again.

I told the others what had happened.

A friend of mine happened to work at a nearby kitchen supply store that had a huge pot of the same design hanging from the ceiling as an advertisement, which I had seen a few days before. I went there and told my friend about my situation, and I said that I wanted to borrow their showcase pot. My friend had to ask his manager, who apparently knew about the amicability-challenged chef and really wanted that jerk put in place.

The showcase pot happened to be slightly larger than a ten-liter pot but designed as a smaller pot, so it had a single handle sticking out to the side and all — totally useless for its size. I returned it early the next morning and got the regular pot back, and I made sure to put the small pot in exactly the same place and position as the big pot. A lot of the other staff helped me do this final switcharoo since they were more than happy to see [Head Chef] get his comeuppance.

[Head Chef] remained the same jerk, but he never did pull another prank like that again. As far as I know, he never figured it out.