Apparently, It’s Not “One Size Fits All”

I receive a call from a customer. I manage an adult toy store, so I will leave it to your imagination what he’s calling about. I pride myself in helping people find what’s right for them, so this call goes on longer than I should have tolerated.

Customer: “Hi. I bought an item from you yesterday and it’s just horrible; it doesn’t work at all.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. We have a guarantee on our electronics as these things do happen sometimes, so bring it on in with the receipt and I can exchange it for you.”

Customer: “No, no, it’s not electronic.”

Me: “Oh. What item is it, and how is it defective?”

Customer: “It’s an [item], and it is just absolutely horrible quality. It serves no purpose. It’s just absolute garbage. I want to return it.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, but if it’s not defective, I can’t exchange it for you.”

Customer: “Of course, it’s defective! It doesn’t work at all! I spent 40€ on this for nothing. I’m a customer; you have to do something for me.”

Me: “I’m trying to help you, but you need to describe what’s wrong as it doesn’t sound defective to me. Is it too tight or too loose?”

Customer: “It’s not too loose; it’s just horrible. You need to exchange it for me.”

Me: “There’s a difference between something being defective and something not pleasing you. I can’t return something just because you don’t like it.”

Customer: “It’s more than it not pleasing me. There’s something wrong with it. There’s no way anyone can use this.”

Me: “I’ve been selling this item for a while now; plus, everything we order has reliable reviews online. The item presents as described on the box. I can’t get a refund from the manufacturer because it’s not defective.”

Customer: “So, if I cut the tip off and come in saying it’s defective, I can exchange it is what you’re saying.”

Me: “Absolutely not!” 

Customer: “So, what can you do for me? You owe me; I’m the customer here. You need to take a loss and let me have something else. Something better quality. This thing just slips off when I try to use it; this is—”

Me: “Ah, so it is a matter of size, as I suggested. If you’re not big enough, I suggest you go to your doctor about that. I think we’re done here. Have a good day.”