A New Kind Of Identity Theft

This is not word for word, since I don’t think I will be able to translate it properly that way, but I still tried.

I like being a little troll when I can, and those kiosks in shopping centers with overly pushy workers are usually a great way for me to do so. I usually only do this when they go overboard and get too pushy; I don’t mess with the decent ones since nobody likes their time wasted.

This kiosk was selling some sort of subscription for some makeup and body care products. As I went by, the lady almost jumped in front of me to get my attention, which worked. I couldn’t process what happened at first because she appeared in front of me so fast, and she took the time while I was processing to start her spiel about the products and subscription plan. I remember that when she finally took a breath, I told her that I was not really interested. She didn’t take it too well.

Customer: *With a slightly disgusted look* “Well, it would only benefit you!“

And with that, she grabbed me by my arm and pulled me toward the kiosk to try and sign me up for this garbage. This is when I decided that she was a perfect candidate for one of the little plans I had been coming up with in the past month. Thankfully, she even started with the exact question I needed.

She finished looking for her papers and looked at me with a disgustingly sweet smile.

Customer: “All right, I will just need you to give me your name, email address, and phone number!

Me: “…what?”

Customer: “Ugh, your name?”

Me: “I don’t want to give it to you, though.”

Customer: “But I will need you to.”

Me: “I can’t; it’s mine.”

Customer: *Confused* “Uh…”

I started to look incredibly scared in a really fake way.

Me: “I… I can’t give it to you; it’s mine. If I do that, I will have no name! What will I do then?! I will have no identity!”

The lady started to look more worried. Her smile was gone, and she was trying to respond, but she only managed to act like a fish outside of water.

I took my chance, turned around, and started fast-walking away, only to be greeted by the sight of a mall security guard staring at the situation and trying his hardest not to laugh.

I had to book it out of there faster to not burst out laughing myself. At least I made someone’s day better other than mine with my tirade.