You Gotta Laugh Or You’ll Cry

My boyfriend’s dad is a rather stern and unforgiving person. Dear old Dad disowned [Boyfriend] after he failed his A levels. But after my boyfriend scored really well on his UCAT test, he and his dad sat down and came to an agreement.

Due to the exceptional score in his UCAT, [Boyfriend]’s disownment was provisionally rescinded. And if my boyfriend got straight As for his A-level retake, he’d be permanently un-disowned.

Then, about five months later, [Boyfriend] got disowned again because he insinuated his father was “overcompensating for something” with his humongous new TV. His dad, in a fit of blind rage, summarily threw [Boyfriend] out of the house.

That disownment lasted less than three days because the entire family tested positive for a particular contagious illness. Well, everyone save my boyfriend, whose expulsion from the family home allowed him to dodge getting infected. My boyfriend negotiated, and in exchange for bringing in vital supplies like food and toiletries to the quarantining family for the next ten days or so, his dad would rescind his disownment.

Fast forward another five months or so, and the A-level results come back. [Boyfriend] scored two Bs and got disowned for the third time.

Me: “You know, most people don’t even get disowned once, much less three times.”

Boyfriend: “I mean, depending on how you count it, this is arguably still my first disownment. Just, you know, resuming after a year-long hiatus.”

Me: “But what about the second time? You still got disowned at least twice!”

Boyfriend: “Does the second time even count? I mean, it was just three days. It just felt like longer because of the isolation period.”

My Dad: *Amused* “I’m reminded of that quote. ‘If I had a nickel for every time I was disowned, I’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice.’”

Me: “Seriously, though. [Boyfriend], you’re the only person I know who has a dedicated ‘Emergency Disownment Bag’. I mean, who even keeps an emergency backpack at home for the off chance that they get disowned?!”

Boyfriend: “Don’t people keep travel bags? Like suitcases fully packed for whenever they need to travel? It’s basically the same thing.”

Me: “It’s not the same thing!”

My Mom: *Laughing* “Lighten up, [My Name].” *To my boyfriend* “Well, if your family doesn’t want you, we can always adopt you. Stay as long as you like. You’re always welcome here.”

My Dad: “I bet you fifty pounds that [Boyfriend] will get disowned a fourth time. Any takers?”

My Mom: “No bet. That’s just you stealing my money.”

Boyfriend: “How about I bet you fifty pounds that I get disowned at least twice more before 2030?”

Me: “Don’t even joke about that!”

Man, I love my boyfriend to bits, but seriously, who even gets disowned so many times that he can joke about it?