(Around noon during a day out, my mother and I stop at a fast food place on one half of the building; the other half is a popular Canadian coffee shop. My mother doesn’t want anything to eat, so she goes to get coffee for herself and me while I buy myself a burger. While she is getting the drinks, I go up to the counter to make my order.)

Me: “I’ll have a [Burger] and fries, please.”

Cashier: “And what would you like to drink?”

Me: “Nothing. Just the burger and fries, please.”

Cashier: “But the meal comes with a drink!”

Me: “I don’t want a drink, though. Just the burger and fries.”

Cashier: “But you need to drink something!”

Me: “My mother is getting drinks from [Coffee Shop] right now. I don’t need two drinks.”

(She doesn’t really argue too much after that, and rings me up. My mother has gotten the coffee drinks by the time my food is ready, and when I go to get my order I am holding the drink in my hand.)

Me: “This is my food, right? Thank you. Have a nice day!”

Cashier: “Your drink hasn’t been made yet. What was it you wanted, again?”

Me: “I don’t need a drink. I have a drink right here.”

(I show her my coffee cup, and then take my food and go to sit down at a table. As I walk away, I hear the cashier calling after me…)

Cashier: “THE MEAL COMES WITH A DRINK!”

(I and two other keepers are in our keeper kitchen preparing feeds ready to go, and get started on our morning routines. I’m chopping some vegetables quickly and a piece of cabbage falls on the floor. Keeper #1 walks passed me.)

Keeper #1: “There’s cabbage on the floor.”

Keeper #2: “A poem, by [Keeper #1].”

(At this point, we all start laughing. Keeper #1 is laughing so hard that she’s just standing there in tears, unable to do anything except hold a pot of mealworms she’d made up earlier. After a few minutes we manage to stop, but Keeper #1 is still laughing.)

Me: “I think this is still part of the poem.”

Keeper #2: “It’s performance art. I don’t know what the mealworms are meant to represent though.”

(I have gone grocery shopping and am literally down to my last cents, which means paying the taxi driver in loose change. Most drivers don’t complain; especially since they always need change.)

Me: *counts out quarters and dimes to equal $3.25*

Driver: “Ugh, more f****** change!”

Me: *hands him exact change* “Don’t worry, I won’t give you a tip in change.”

(He got even more aggravated, but I’m betting he learnt to shut his mouth after that.)

(I go look for an electric adaptor I need for an item I ordered from abroad. Upon my arrival, the girl working the floor asks me if I need help.)

Me: “Yes, thank you. I need a 5 amps adaptor, please.”

(She kindly shows me place where all the adaptors are and hands me a package.)

Employee: “This is what you need.”

(I look at the packaging, and it reads “500 mA.”)

Me: “Huh, miss, this is not 5 amps; it’s 500 milliamps.”

(Never mind the fact that I am a mechanical engineer and I am well versed in the use of prefixes, but I chose not to rub my education in her face today.)

Employee: “Sure it is; mA is a fraction of an A, and 500 mA is 5 A. It’s like in the kitchen. 500 milliliters is a full liter.”

Me: *after a few seconds speechless* “Sorry; I’ll go somewhere else…”

(I managed to order the wrong length of HDMI cable online. With delivery dates long, and no TV, I visit the local large chain computer store.)

Me: “Excuse me, where are the HDMI cables?”

Worker #1: “Oh, I think they are over there somewhere.” *gestures vaguely*

Me: “Oh, okay, thanks.”

(I eventually find the display, completely in the wrong direction, and pick out some items.)

Worker #1: “Oh, good you found them.” *looking at the items I’ve picked* “Oh, you don’t want those ones.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Worker #1: “That cable is far too long. The picture will be very poor quality. Here, this is the one you want.”

(He picks up the most expensive cable a meter shorter than I needed.)

Me: “Oh, err, no thanks. I need one at least four meters long. These will do fine.”

Worker #1: “No, no, no, just move the TV closer. You really need a better quality cable.”

(Worker #1 pushes the cable into my hands and tries to snatch the cheaper ones from me.)

Me: *recoiling in surprise* “I can’t move the TV closer, and I assure you these will be fine.”

Worker #1: “Look, I know what I’m talking about. You need these ones. Long cables will lose the picture.” *a lie*

Me: *exhausted* “So these cheaper ones won’t work?”

Worker #1: “No. You need the better ones.”

Me: “So why do you sell them?”

Worker #1: “I er, well these are just far better. Listen I know what I’m talking about. Hey, [Worker #2], come here a second. Can you PLEASE explain why he wants these ones and not the cheap ones.”

Worker #2: “Well, these cables will give you a much better picture. The cheaper ones won’t give you 1080p.” *another lie*

Me: “I’ve had enough. These will be fine. This is the end of the discussion. I’m paying and leaving.”

(I eventually get past the two workers. They still call out to me as I get to the till.)

Cashier: “Oh, are you sure you want these? We have an offer on [Expensive Brand] cables this week.”

Me: “No, thanks.”

Cashier: “Are you sure? These ones will break much faster than the better ones.” *lies again*

Me: “Ring me up.”

Cashier: “I was just trying to—”

Me: “Ring me up now; if I hear one more lie from you or your colleagues I will register a complaint.”

Cashier: “Fine.” *throws the cable at me*

(Safe to say, I never shopped there again.)