Bad boss and coworker stories

Double Talk

| Working | April 30, 2013

(I work with a pair of identical twins for the overstock night shift. They know I’m atheist, so they’ve made it their business to preach their religion at me non-stop.)

Twin #1: “So, [my name], you think about what we said on Tuesday?”

Me: “Not really.”

Twin #1: “Come on, man. This is important stuff.”

Twin #2: “Yeah. You wanna go to h***?”

Me: “Nope.”

Twin #1: “I mean, I just don’t get you.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Twin #1: “If you don’t believe in God, where do you get your morals from?”

Me: “Uh…”

Twin #2: “Yeah. The only way to know right from wrong is with God.”

Me: “I don’t think so.”

Twin #1: “Well, it’s still true, dude. It doesn’t matter what you think.”

Twin #2: “Right. You should… hang on.”

(Twin #2 gets a call on his cell phone and answers it. He turns away from his brother and me but keeps standing there.)

Twin #1: “[My name], dude, do you think murder and rape are okay?”

Me: “No.”

Twin #1: “Well, that’s God, man. The only way you know that stuff is not okay is God.”

Twin #2: *on the phone* “…You picked up my bike okay? No problems getting it? Cool…”

Twin #1: “How about lying? Or stealing? You think it’s okay to do that?”

Me: “No.”

Twin #2: *on the phone* “..You think you could roll back the odometer about 5,000 miles…”

Twin #1: “Well, it was God who said lying and stealing are wrong, man. It’s right there in the Bible.”

Twin #2: *on the phone* “…Yeah, I know. But I’ve got somebody coming out to look at it and he said he didn’t want it if it was too used…”

Twin #1: “So you KNOW that stuff like killing and raping and lying and stealing and being a racist and all that stuff is wrong. How do you explain how that’s wrong without God?”

Twin #2: *on the phone* “…Oh yeah, you think you could paint over the rust on the brakes and the engine block, too? I’m pretty sure I could get at least two grand more out of this guy…”

Twin #1: “God is righteous, [my name]. He’s going to punish people for doing all that stuff. You don’t want to go to Hell, do you?”

Twin #2: *on the phone* “…Also, I think the front tire has a hole in it. No, no, don’t patch it. Just put more air in it. It only has to look full until the guy buys it…”

Me: “Wait, wait, wait. Are you guys listening to each other here?”

Both Twins: “What do you mean?”

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Some Bosses Should Go UK Themselves

| Working | April 29, 2013

(I’ve spent the entire summer working two jobs to pay for a vacation to Europe. I’ve requested time off for my vacation months in advance, and reminded them a condition of my hiring is this vacation. However, six days into my two-week vacation, a manager calls my mom.)

Manager: “I’m looking for [me]. She was meant to be at work an hour ago! If she doesn’t come in or find someone to cover her shift, she’s going to be written up and possibly fired!”

My Mom: “That’s impossible. She should have never been scheduled to work. She requested two weeks off for her Europe vacation. She won’t be coming in. You made a mistake.”

Manager: “A request off is just that—a request! She needs to check her schedule every week and make arrangements. I expect her to call or be here within fifteen minutes.”

My Mom: “My daughter is in EUROPE. She will be there for two weeks. She has no possible way to check her schedule. It is four in the morning there and she will not be calling you or coming into work, because she’s an eight hour plane ride and four hour drive away. You messed up.”

Manager: “Your daughter has no sense of personal responsibility. Work is more important than a vacation!”

My Mom: “Personal responsibility? You mean like paying attention to people’s days off and knowing what’s going on with your workers? Or are you talking about how she worked two jobs to pay for a vacation all by herself?”

Manager: “She will be written up for this!”

(My mom called me laughing and told me the whole story. I was neither written up or fired, and my GM and Assistant Store Manager apologized to me when I came back. They even begged me to work next summer!)

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A Date With Ignominy

| Working | April 29, 2013

(This happens right after my aunt had died unexpectedly at age 62. I have taken the week off to be with my family.)

Manager: “Hey, [my name], can you cover my shift tomorrow night?”

Me: “No, I’m off the rest of the week. Remember?”

Manager: “Yeah, I know, but I really need you to come in tomorrow night and cover the store.”

Me: “I can’t. Tomorrow is my aunt’s funeral.”

Manager: “Yeah, I know, but that’s in the morning, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yes, but I really don’t think I’ll be in any shape to work after my aunt’s funeral.”

Manager: “Well look, I have a date tomorrow night with this really hot guy, but I’m supposed to be here to cover the store and process shipment and no one else can cover, so I really need you to come in from 4 until close. I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t an emergency ’cause no one else can come in!”

Me: “Wait, you want me to come in, process the entire shipment, and cover the store by myself after my aunt’s funeral so you can go on a date?!”

Manager: “Yeah, what’s the big deal? They’ll have buried her by then anyway, so it’s not like you’ll miss anything.”

Me: “Seriously?! Okay, tell you what: I’ll come in tomorrow, but only to turn in my keys and name tag. Good luck on your date.”

(I ended up getting a work study job through school that paid much better and even helped me earned credit towards my major. My manager was fired a few months after I quit for drinking in the store and sexually harassing an employee.)

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Neither Firer Nor Hirer Be

| Working | April 29, 2013

(I’m running late due to the local bus breaking down in the middle of the highway. I call ahead to let the company know I’ll be late, but apparently the message never makes it to the manager. I arrive to find him upset.)

Manager: “I sincerely hope you have a good reason for taking your sweet time to get here. I was on the verge of calling you up and firing you!”

(I apologize and explain what happened.)

Manager: “Well, you should have anticipated that and left home earlier. Because you weren’t here at the right time, we don’t have anyone to train you, so you’re going to have to come back tomorrow and accept we’re docking your pay for today.”

Me: “Um… look again. I’m sorry, but I’m pretty sure you can’t do that.”

Manager: “Excuse me? How do you imagine that?”

Me: “Because you haven’t hired me yet. I’m here for my initial interview so you can find out if I’m a good fit for your company.”

(The manager looks at me, then at my resume, and then at the receptionist.)

Manager: “Well, still, can you come back tomorrow? Everyone else is out on assignment now and I don’t feel like dealing with any more new recruits.”

(He tosses my resume back at the receptionist and walks away. I decided to seek employment elsewhere.)

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Your Hesitancy Is Not My Emergency

| Working | April 29, 2013

CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.

(I am a university student using a library computer for an assignment. Suddenly, a young man walking nearby makes an odd sound and falls to the ground, twitching and vomiting before lying completely unconscious. I rush to help as a security guard comes up.)

Guard: “Don’t touch him!”

Me: “Oh, great, are you trained in first aid? I did my training two years ago; you might be better at this!”

Guard: “No, just leave him alone! He’ll be fine; go back to whatever you were doing.”

Me: “He’s unconscious and vomiting. He could very easily choke and die. Why the h*** don’t you want him to live?”

(I ignore the guard and start putting the unconscious man into the recovery position. This is difficult as he’s well over 2m tall and is quite heavy, and I am barely 1.5m.)

Guard: “We could get sued! Get away from him!”

(Once the man is on his side safely, I check his pulse and breathing, and then call an ambulance.)

Me: “Hello, I’d like an ambulance, please. I have an unconscious man who has just had a seizure here at [address].”

Guard: “What? No! CANCEL THE AMBULANCE! CAN YOU HEAR ME DOWN THE PHONE? CANCEL IT! WE’LL GET SUED!”

(He keeps yelling as I continue on the phone.)

Emergency Services: “We’ll send an ambulance immediately. Is there anyone trained in first aid nearby?”

Me: “I did a certificate two years ago, but I’m really scared and not confident. I put him in the recovery position, and his pulse and breathing are normal, but he’s still unconscious. What should I do?”

Emergency Services: “That’s exactly the right thing to do; don’t worry. Just make sure if he vomits again that he doesn’t choke, and he may have another small seizure. Just let him have the fit and try to get him back into the recovery position afterwards. An ambulance is already on its way.”

Me: “Oh, thank you so much! This is really scary!”

Emergency Services: “You’re doing fine by the sounds of it. But, uh, who’s that screaming in the background?”

Me: “That’s the library guard. He’s worried about getting sued or something. Don’t worry; I’m ignoring him.”

Emergency Services: “Just to be sure, I’ll dispatch the police in case he gets violent. He doesn’t sound… uh, sane.”

Me: “Thank you so much!” *ends call*

Guard: “Did they send an ambulance? We’re gonna get sued! We’ll counter sue YOU for everything you have! You’ll never be able to afford a house, you idiot!”

Me: “As I am not a representative of the library, he can’t sue the library, but would have to sue me, anyway. Actually, the only thing you could possibly get sued for to my knowledge is trying to prevent his life from being potentially saved. Of course, that’s only if you physically intervene.

(At this point, the man begins another, smaller, seizure. The guard keeps yelling and screaming as I struggle to cope with things and get the man back into the correct position after the seizure is over. To my disgust, the other patrons in the library are busy checking Facebook and the like, happily ignoring the seizure guy. Finally, the police and ambulance arrive at about the same time.)

Guard: “NO! NO HELP! WE’LL GET SUED! GO AWAY! EVERYTHING’S FINE!”

Ambulance Doctor: “We’ll ascertain that for ourselves. Now, where is the person who’s had a seizure?”

Guard: “No one’s had a seizure. Everyone’s fine here. You can go. Get lost!”

Me: “The young man is over here; ignore that idiot. He’s had two seizures and is unconscious, but his pulse and breathing are both good. There’s a lot of vomit and urine, though.”

(The ambulance doctor makes her way over and starts checking the seizure man.)

Police: “Wait, so you, sir, were actually trying to keep someone from getting life-saving medical care?”

Guard: “We’ll get sued!”

Police: “I think you’re going to have to come with me…”

(The good news? The seizure guy was fine in the end, and the guard was eventually fired due to him being given a criminal record (obstructing emergency services) and therefore no longer being eligible for many types of jobs, including the one he had. He won’t be able to pull the same stunt again!)

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