(The difference in age for buying cigarettes and alcohol is three years, and I am 19 at this time, I had a lot of issues because of it, but this one was the funniest.)

Me: “May I get [pack of Cigarettes]?”

Worker: “Do you have ID?”

Me: “Yes, I do.” *hands her ID*

Worker: “This says you’re under 21.”

Me: “I am.”

Worker: “Then, why would I sell to you?”

Me: “Those are cigarettes, not alcohol.”

Worker: “Oh, oops.”

(I have very crooked teeth, which don’t mesh properly. As a result, a cusp on one of my upper molars has worn a hole in a filling in the corresponding bottom molar. I phone to make an appointment.)

Receptionist: “Is this for a regular check-up, or is it an emergency?”

Me: “It’s not what you’d call an emergency, but I have a hole in my filling.”

Receptionist: “You mean you’ve lost a filling?”

Me: “No, the filling is still there, but it has a hole in it.”

Receptionist: “Fillings don’t get ‘holes’ in them, but I can put you down for an appointment at [time] on [date].”

(Later:)

Dentist: “And what seems to be the problem?”

Me: “I have a hole in one of my fillings.”

Dentist: “Fillings don’t get holes in them. You must have lost your filling. I’ll just take a look… Oh! You have a hole in your filling.”

(I am standing in line while the person in front of my is asking about the job offering. I didn’t catch the whole conversation.)

Cashier: “Yeah, probably the most important part of the job is making sure you card.”

Customer: “Oh, of course. I don’t want to get anyone in trouble.”

Cashier: “Wait, we are only hiring people over 21. Are you old enough?”

Customer: “Well, you did just sell me beer, so I hope so.”

(Cue a laugh from everyone in earshot.)

(My company’s software handles orders for our customers. A new order creates a record in our system, and then sends the customer a status report to let them know they have a new order. We have a new version that is currently being QA-tested by simulating customer orders.)

QA Tech Email: “Our orders are not showing up in the test system.”

My Email: “Okay, we found the issue and restarted the system. You may continue testing.”

QA Tech Email: “The same problem is happening. The orders are showing up but not returning a status message.”

Me: *to Coworker* “So, it’s exactly the same problem, except completely different.”

Coworker: “Yeah. I feel like we need to sit some of the testers down with an episode of Sesame Street and have Grover explain ‘same’ and ‘different’ to them…”

(I do not use glasses or contacts, but my doctor recommends that I get a yearly eye checkup anyway. I make an appointment with a local well-known optometrist chain which offers eye health exams. The whole sequence of events goes like this:)

Me: “Hi, I’m checking in for an eye exam. Just to be on the same page, I don’t need any glasses; I just need the health checkup. Is that okay?”

Clerk: “Yes, that’s no problem. We do those, too. You don’t have to buy any glasses. Just fill out this paperwork.”

(I fill out the paperwork and check the “do not wear glasses” and “do not wear contacts” boxes. I hand in the paperwork and wait. An assistant technician comes out to do my pre-screening exam.)

Technician: “Wow, your vision is great. You don’t need glasses at all!”

Me: “I know. I’m just here for the eye health exam.”

(After the pre-screening, I go in to see the actual eye doctor, and more tests are done.)

Doctor: “These vision results are fine. Are you quite sure you need glasses?”

Me: “I’m quite sure I do not!”

This story is part of the Eye Exam roundup!

Read the next Eye Exam roundup story!

Read the Eye Exam roundup!