(We have a very low-end dollar store chain in Ontario, where everything used to be one dollar. It’s gone up a bit in price, but the products are exactly the same. I am working with a male co-worker.)

Me: “I can’t believe we have pregnancy tests. These are probably wrong 90% of the time!”

Coworker: “I know. I did one just for fun and it said I was pregnant.”

Me: “Congrats! The only way this could get better is if they sold protection.”

Coworker: “Buy one get one free?”

Me: “No, a combo pack!”

(Two years later we’ve both long-since quit and are browsing another store when we see them.)

Me: “Look! It’s a combo pack!”

Ex-Coworker: “That is just so wrong.”

(I am the customer in the story, pulling up to the drive-thru in a popular fast food place.)

Employee: “Welcome to [Fast Food Place]. May I take your order, please?”

Me: “I would like a large black coffee, please. That will be all.”

Employee: “How many cream and sugar? Would you like it in or on the side?”

(Thinking it was just habit on her side.)

Me: “Just black, please. Large.”

Employee: “So…. How many?”

Me: “None. Zero. Nada. Nein.”

Employee: “None at all?”

Me: “No!”

Employee: “And what size?”

Me: *now starting to think I am being pranked* “Large. Coffee. Black. Meaning no cream or sugar. That’s it.”

Employee: “Anything else for you today?”

Me: “No! That’s all!”

(I pull around and pay at the first window without incident. However when I pull to the second window the young girl is leaning “my” order out the window while turned talking to someone inside. I begin to try to get her attention.)

Me: “Excuse me! Ma’am!”

Employee: “Here, take your order!”

Me: “That is not my order.”

Employee: *sighs* “How can you even tell? You haven’t looked in the bag.”

Me: “Because all I ordered was a large black coffee and you are trying to hand me $20 worth of food. Although I appreciate free food, I already ate and all I want is some coffee. PLEASE.”

(Employee took it back and handed me a small coffee and a bag. I give up and drive off. I look in the bag thinking maybe they gave me a free sandwich or something. It was filled with creamers and sugars.)

(I am being interviewed for an engineering firm.)

Interviewer: “Have you ever had a major mistake or error?.”

Me: “No.”

Interviewer: “That was a very arrogant answer you gave me.”

Me: “Let me ask you this. You actually expect an error or mistake?”

Interviewer: “Well—”

Me: “I worked for [Airplane Manufacturer]. I was taught that mistakes kill people.”

(After the interview, I get a phone call.)

Interviewer’s Boss: “One of my guys said that he found you arrogant.”

Me: “I found him dangerous and I am never working for him.”

(We have recently discovered bedbugs in our apartment. After calling the management company for our apartment complex, we are told that someone will be out to inspect it, and that we should look for signs posted in the hallway telling us when this will happen. After a few days we have not seen any signs, and are concerned because we know that the infestation will only get worse if it is not acted upon quickly. My partner tries to call them again to get an update on the situation, but there is no answer.)

Partner: *leaving a message* “Hello, I’m calling from [Address] at [Apartment Complex]—”

Machine: “BEEP!”

Partner: *staring at the phone in confusion* “It… only gave me five seconds to leave a message…”

Brother: “Try again, and this time just scream “BEDBUGS! CALL ME BACK!””

(I’m a manager at a very busy cafe. One day I head over to the restaurant for work. On my way there, a woman nearly hits me while changing lanes without using her blinker. I slam my brakes and lay on my horn, but she doesn’t even acknowledge the accident she almost started. She proceeds to cut off four other people, again without a blinker and without any room for her car to even go. She’s headed in the same direction as I am. When we turn off to the same shopping center, she pulls in front of another store, nearly hitting a pedestrian. While she’s not in front of me, I manage to get a look at her face. I go in the cafe and start setting up. An hour later, the same woman comes into the cafe.)

Insane Woman: *to the host* “HEY. I need to talk to the manager.”

Host: “Sure thing. What did you need to see the manager for? I can let him know when I tell him that you’d like to see him.”

Insane Woman: “None of your god-d*** business. Go get your manager.”

Host: *shocked* “Uh, okay.”

(The host comes to get me and tells me that there’s a woman to see me and that she appears to be angry. I ask what the problem was and the host, of course, doesn’t know. He mentions that she has just walked in.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, how can I help you?”

(At this point, I recognize her from this morning)

Insane Woman: “I want a job application.”

Me: *trying not to laugh in disgust* “Oh, really? What makes you want to work here?”

Insane Woman: “Is that really any of your business?”

Me: “Considering that I do the hiring, yes.”

Insane Woman: “Does this place pay well? Also, I don’t work weekends.”

Me: *trying to contain myself* “I don’t think this would be a good fit for you.”

Insane Woman: *glaring* “Uh… WHY?”

Me: “Well, first, your attitude is sour and our cafe is known for its friendly staff. Second, your insane driving habits would be extremely off-putting to anyone who knew you worked here.”

Insane Woman: “How would YOU know how I drive?!”

Me: “Because you almost hit me this morning when you cut me off.”

Insane Woman: *silent*

Me: “You then almost hit four other cars and when you pulled into this shopping center about an hour ago, you nearly hit a pedestrian.”

Insane Woman: *rolls her eyes*

Me: “I sincerely hope you go home and work on your attitude some more. Being rude is one thing; causing physical danger to the people around you, though, is absolutely unforgivable. Have a nice day.”

Insane Woman: “Where’s the job application I asked for?”

Me: *thinking: has she even been listening?* “Have a nice day.”

(I walked away and she just stood there for a minute before leaving.)