(My manager is away for the weekend and has asked me to cover his shifts which involves me working two extra hours in addition to my normal shifts. These are two hours I won’t get back, but needs must as I’m the best person to cover what needs to be done so I agree. Saturday evening we find out that three of our coworkers are being pulled away by the owner of the company for a work-related day trip. We arrange for most of the work to be covered by remaining staff or interns but there is one remaining task that HAS to be done at a certain time: a time I’m not physically available for due to existing work commitments. This conversation takes place with a coworker who has arranged the cover conveniently so she’s the only one doing her own work and nothing extra.)

Coworker: “You can do [task]. It’s not fair to ask anyone else.”

Me: “Well, not really because I need to do [other task] at that same time; I can’t be in two places at once.”

Coworker: “I need to split the cover fairly. I can’t ask any of the others to do it so it has to be you.”

(My boss brings his dog, Pandy, to the office everyday. He’s about to grab her leash and take her out.)

Boss: “Come on, Pandy. Let’s go potty.”

(I had “Barbie Girl” stuck in my head for the rest of the afternoon. Crazy thing is I’m sure he didn’t do it on purpose.)

(After losing my job in the great recession, I took an entry level service job to make ends meet. Many of my coworkers, while well-meaning, were not particularly bright. I stuck out like a sore thumb as the only college grad in the building. One coworker decided to ask me for advice…)

Coworker: “Hey, you gone to college, right? So you know about computers?”

Me: “I know a little. I didn’t study computer science, but I’ve used computers for a long time.”

Coworker: “So I just bought a computer, and I need to learn how to do Internet.”

Me: “Yeah, I can help with that. Is it a PC or a Mac?”

Coworker: “…”

Me: “Do you know what kind of computer it is? Where did you buy it?”

Coworker: “Oh, I got it at a garage sale. Only five bucks! I still need to get the other parts, like the keys and the mouse.”

Me: “Good deal on a computer. Yeah, you’ll need the keyboard and mouse before you can do anything. Do you have an Internet service provider? If you have cable, you can probably have your cable company add Internet service.”

Coworker: “I got to pay them for it? That’s crazy. WiFi don’t cost nothing.”

Me: “Not here at work, but to get it at home, you’ll need to pay.”

Coworker: “D***. Hey, do I need one of those boxes?”

Me: “Boxes?”

Coworker: “Yeah, one of those boxes that go under the desk.”

Me: *pointing to the tower of a nearby computer* “Like, one of these boxes?”

Coworker: “Yeah! Like that. What’s that do?”

Me: “That’s the computer. The part that actually does the computing. Wait, what part did you buy?”

Coworker: *pointing to the monitor* “A computer. Like this one.”

Me: “Oooh. Yeah, that’s just the monitor. It’s like a TV that shows what the box is doing. The parts in the box do the actual computing.”

Coworker: “So how much one of them gonna cost me?”

Me: “A really basic one would probably be three or four hundred.”

Coworker: “WHAT? H***, no! I’m gonna find some other way to make my computer work.”

Me: “Good luck with that.”

(I am a regular at my local grocery store, and the clerks know me pretty well. I have turned eighteen, which is the minimum age for alcohol and cigarettes, in early March. By now it’s almost April, and I’m buying a six-pack of beer and a pack of cigarettes.)

Clerk: *without even asking for my ID:* “I’m sorry, I can’t sell these to you.”

Me: “What? Why not?”

Clerk: “You are not eighteen yet.”

Me: “Well, sure I am.” *hands her the ID*

Clerk: “No, I’m sorry. Just a few more weeks to go.”

Me: “What?!”

Clerk: “Yes, you turn eighteen in March, it’s not March yet.”

Me: “Well, of course it is; April Fool’s Day comes next week!”

Clerk: *looking at her almanac which still displays February* “What…”

Me: *turning the next page in the almanac* “There. It’s March. I’m eighteen. Can I buy the beer now?*

(She sold it. Two weeks later I am back; same clerk, same purchases.)

Clerk: *without asking for my ID* “I’m sorry, I can’t sell these to you.”

Me: “What?! Not again. We already went through this once, didn’t we?”

(I hand her my ID. She looks at it for a good 30 seconds.)

Clerk: “What?! That young? I really wouldn’t like to sell these to you.”

Me: “Actually, you don’t have to. I’ll just get them somewhere else.”

(I’ve been asked to take over the running of the kiosk for my husband’s sports club. It’s just a couple of hours a week, even though it’s classed as volunteering, they’ve offer to pay a little. If I didn’t take it up there would be no kiosk and I figure that the money will pay for some craft items. The last volunteers were a husband and wife team, who had done it for years. After my first night I get a call from the club’s manager.)

Manager: “[My Name], I want to thank you for last night’s effort. In all the years that the kiosk has been running this was the first time it’s ever made a profit.”

Me: *later to husband* “[Manager] called and told that it’s the first time ever the kiosk made a profit. How does that happen?”

Husband: “Yeah, [Volunteer Husband] and [Volunteer Wife] always had an excuse for not making a profit. The food was too expensive to buy, but I bought exactly what they would buy. Also, now that I’ve taken over being treasurer from [Volunteer Husband] the whole club has suddenly started making a profit.”

(Each year before then the club would have a end of year get together. Each person would have to pay for food, which would be a very cheap looking finger food. There would never be any extra money left over. That year, the club had enough money to put on a two course meal and pay for major door prizes – one was a widescreen TV as well as better quality trophies. It doesn’t always pay to be honest but it does feel good.)