Their Brain Does Not Compute

(After losing my job in the great recession, I took an entry level service job to make ends meet. Many of my coworkers, while well-meaning, were not particularly bright. I stuck out like a sore thumb as the only college grad in the building. One coworker decided to ask me for advice…)

Coworker: “Hey, you gone to college, right? So you know about computers?”

Me: “I know a little. I didn’t study computer science, but I’ve used computers for a long time.”

Coworker: “So I just bought a computer, and I need to learn how to do Internet.”

Me: “Yeah, I can help with that. Is it a PC or a Mac?”

Coworker: “…”

Me: “Do you know what kind of computer it is? Where did you buy it?”

Coworker: “Oh, I got it at a garage sale. Only five bucks! I still need to get the other parts, like the keys and the mouse.”

Me: “Good deal on a computer. Yeah, you’ll need the keyboard and mouse before you can do anything. Do you have an Internet service provider? If you have cable, you can probably have your cable company add Internet service.”

Coworker: “I got to pay them for it? That’s crazy. WiFi don’t cost nothing.”

Me: “Not here at work, but to get it at home, you’ll need to pay.”

Coworker: “D***. Hey, do I need one of those boxes?”

Me: “Boxes?”

Coworker: “Yeah, one of those boxes that go under the desk.”

Me: *pointing to the tower of a nearby computer* “Like, one of these boxes?”

Coworker: “Yeah! Like that. What’s that do?”

Me: “That’s the computer. The part that actually does the computing. Wait, what part did you buy?”

Coworker: *pointing to the monitor* “A computer. Like this one.”

Me: “Oooh. Yeah, that’s just the monitor. It’s like a TV that shows what the box is doing. The parts in the box do the actual computing.”

Coworker: “So how much one of them gonna cost me?”

Me: “A really basic one would probably be three or four hundred.”

Coworker: “WHAT? H***, no! I’m gonna find some other way to make my computer work.”

Me: “Good luck with that.”