What To Expect When You’re Expecting (Better Medical Care)

CONTENT WARNING: Loss of Pregnancy

I am roughly four months pregnant when my wife and I find out I have what’s called a Partial Molar pregnancy. There are two types of these pregnancies: Molar and Partial Molar. Molar pregnancies are caused by a dead egg being inseminated by sperm, which results in abnormal cells being made and does not result in an actual baby. Partial Molar pregnancies are the result of two sperm fertilizing an egg at the exact same time. In these cases, a baby is created, but the baby has sixty-nine chromosomes instead of forty-six. 

My wife and I are informed about our baby’s genetic condition and told that no baby can make it to term in this condition. On top of that, I am rushed to the hospital for an emergency D&C due to extremely severe preeclampsia. My wife and I are absolutely devastated at the loss of our child, and on top of that, very concerned about my health; I spend eight days in the hospital and have to be monitored for the next six months as these types of pregnancies can lead to cancer.

A couple of months later, I go to my doctor for a follow-up. He is running late and they ask if I would mind seeing a different doctor. No problem, I think. In the room with me are a nurse and the doctor. 

Doctor: “I see here you had a partial molar pregnancy and you’re here for a follow-up?”

The nurse mixes up molar and partial molar pregnancies.

Nurse: “Oh, that’s one of those cheating pregnancies — making you think you have a baby, when you don’t.”

I am in absolute shock that she would say this, as I am still grieving. Additionally, I imagine women who have molar pregnancies would still be devastated to find out they aren’t actually pregnant.

Me: “Um, no. There was a baby.”

Nurse: “No, it makes you think there’s a baby, but there isn’t one. It’s a cheating pregnancy.” 

The doctor starts waving her hands for the nurse to stop.

Doctor: “No, no, she had a partial molar pregnancy. There was a baby.”

After that, we go along with the appointment and the doctor asks some routine questions, including whether I’m physically intimate with men, women, or both.

Me: “Women.”

Doctor: “What? But you were just pregnant.”

Me: “Yes, because we used a doctor to help us get pregnant, at a fertility clinic. There should be a referral in my file.”

Between the insensitivity of the nurse and lack of understanding of basic medical services like fertility clinics, I’ll definitely wait next time my regular doctor is running behind.