(We’re in a biology lesson about cloning)
Student: Could you give birth to yourself?

We are a dog kennel. We have a new girl with us this week for work experience. She has been shown around the office, and we step into the actual kennels.

Girl: Jesus! This room stinks like dogs!

Me: Well, it is a dog kennel…

She didn’t do much work and sat in the office for most of the day, refusing to leave. The next day she snuck into the kennels with several cans of air freshener. We then had to forcibly remove her as she was spraying the actual dogs when we ran in to investigate the smell wafting through. We had to empty the kennels and air them out.

She only worked for two days.

I have arrived late to a lecture because my car broke down. When I walk in I quietly apologise and try to take a seat.

Lecturer: I thought you were a gay?

Me: What? I am.

Lecturer: But you’re wearing all black. You look like a goth.

Me: *looking at me clothes* Ugh ok?

Lecturer: You gays normally wear colourful stuff. Wear something better next time or I’ll fail you.

Me: Well, I’m sorry I don’t wear a rainbow every f**king day! And go ahead an fail all you want, I already have enough credits to pass. *takes seat*

He then made it a point to criticise me every time I wore black, which was every lecture just to spite him. He went on leave eventually after myself and several others in his lectures said he was singling LGBT students out and bullying them for not meeting his stereotypical expectations.

I am the cashier in this story ringing up a customer at a well known local drug store in town where I work. Note, this is the South and it is common for people to use phrases like, “honey and sweetheart” without it meaning anything because that is just the way we talk down here. I am also female and have an engagement ring on my finger.

Me: “Did you find everything alright today sweetheart?”

The customer looks at me like I just sprouted two heads…

Customer(female): “I’m not your sweetheart!”

My coworker is behind her and doesn’t know what to say except choke down a laugh while I’m standing there looking at her like what the hell happened because I am not a lesbian nor was I trying to hit on her.

Me: “I’m sorry mam, I didn’t mean anything by it, it’s just the way I talk.”

Customer: “Well you shouldn’t talk to people like that and don’t call me mam either!”

We finished up the transaction hurriedly and in an awkward silence. After she left my coworker and I had a good laugh about it and thought of things we wish the other had said like casually mentioning my fiancée and making it subtly known that said fiancée is male.

I’m working the pre-close shift on a pretty slow Tuesday. Not a lot of people have come in, and my coworkers and I are all relaxed, when someone pulls up to the drive through.

Me: (through the headset) Welcome to (Fast Food Place), what can I get for you tonight?
Customer: Could I have your 4 for 4 deal, please?
Thinking I misheard her, I enter in our 2 for $4 deal, and try to confirm.
Me: Was that the 2 for $4 deal?
Customer: No, like the 4 for 4 deal? With the fries, and the burger?
I suddenly realize what she’s talking about, and have to stifle a laugh.
Me: Um, are you thinking of Wendy’s? Because we don’t have a 4 for 4 deal, or burgers for that matter.
Customer: Really? Then what were you trying to sell me?
Me: I can get you the 2 for $4 roast beef deal, which is two classic sandwiches for $4.
Customer: Alright, sounds good.
Me: Okay, and what else can I get for you?
Customer: Can I switch out for two frosties?
At this point, I don’t know what she’s talking about, so I just say nothing.
Customer: (realizing her mistake) Is that Wendy’s again? OH, MY H***, I HATE WENDY’S!
I am shaking with silent laughter, while my coworkers who have been hearing the conversation are laughing their heads off. After that, the order went smoothly, but for the rest of the night I had a smile on my face at the thought of the “I hate Wendy’s lady.”