This Is An Ugly That Surgery Can’t Fix

(I’m in a plastic surgery center, waiting to be called back. I’m flipping through a book, and the woman next to me keeps glancing at me.)

Woman: “Going for surgery, too?”

Me: “Hopefully.”

Woman: *nods to my chest* “Aren’t they big enough?”

Me: “That would be why I’m here: to make them smaller.”

Woman: “What does your husband think of that? He might not stay if you do that. Might leave you for a REAL woman. Maybe you should focus on that big tummy of yours first.”

Me: “My wife was actually the one to first suggest a reduction. So, are you here about that botched face-lift? Don’t worry; I’m sure they can fix it.”

(She stomped off, fuming. My wife returned from her coffee hunt and nearly spit it out with laughter when I told her.)