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Please Tell Me You’re Kitten, Part 3

, , , | Friendly | September 4, 2017

(My girlfriend and I are visiting a friend who has two dogs and two cats.)

Friend: “The weirdest thing happened yesterday. All the animals were in the same room, and I left for about half an hour, but when I came back, there was a single drop of blood on the floor. So, of course, I checked all of them to see if they were hurt, but not one of them had a single scratch. They’ve been living here together for years now without ever attacking each other. I have no idea where that came from.”

Me: “Well, that IS weird, but nothing to worry about, I guess.”

Girlfriend: “I know what happened.”

Friend: “You do?”

Girlfriend: “Yeah, clearly one of the cats was pregnant and you didn’t notice. She had her babies in the room, but felt hungry and ate them.”

(Our friend and I start laughing, completely convinced that it’s some sort of joke explanation, but as my girlfriend keeps looking at us with a concerned look, laughter stops.)

Me: “You’re… you’re not serious, right?”

Girlfriend: “It could happen.”

Friend: “No, it could not! How can you not notice a pregnant cat?”

Girlfriend: “I don’t know, it surely isn’t that noticeable.”

Me: “You can’t be serious right now. That’s not the only problem here; it takes far longer than half an hour for a cat give birth.”

Girlfriend: “Maybe it was just one or two kitties.”

Friend: “It still takes a while, and also, it’s really messy, there’d be much more than a drop of blood around.”

Girlfriend: “I just told you, she ate it all.”

Me: “But why?”

Girlfriend: “She was hungry!”

Me: “Cats rarely eat bones!”

Girlfriend: “Well, this one obviously does.”

Friend: “Are you for real right now? Nothing of what you said makes any sense whatsoever; stop trying to defend it.”

Girlfriend: “At least I have an explanation, unlike any of you!”

Please Tell Me You’re Kitten, Part 2
Please Tell Me You’re Kitten

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