Trouble With ADHD At The PCP

I have extremely low-grade ADHD; it’s to the point that normally just some caffeine and willpower get me straightened out. That’s probably why my soda-addicted teenage years never noticed. But the more tired I get, the more pronounced it gets, to where I literally have to set alarms to snap me out of whatever static-filled zone my meandering brain gets to and actually make sure I get household chores (or worse, actual professional work) done.

My old doctor knew this, it was on file, and we agreed that I didn’t require constant prescription medication as it was neither severe nor frequent enough to have me on a daily dose of medical-grade [illegal drug].

Unfortunately, her practice merges with another and no longer takes my insurance, so I have to find a new primary. Overall, the first meet-and-greet checkup goes fine. I need to lose weight, which I am already actively doing, joint issues are a known problem, etc.

Then comes the big question.

Doctor: “So, what are you taking for your ADHD?”

Me: “A good night’s sleep once a day and coffee with an extra espresso shot as required.”

Doctor: “No, what medicine are you taking?”

Me: “Uh, none. It’s not intense or interfering enough to require it.”

Doctor: “I’m going to prescribe you [Obvious Name Brand Medication].”

Me: “No, you’re not!”

Doctor: “You really can’t leave this untreated. It will affect your livelihood and—”

Me: “I’m gonna stop you right there, Doc. I’ve lived with this for forty years now. I know how it affects me and what I need to deal with. I worked a lot with [Former Doctor] and did a bunch of tests, and I know how severe my symptoms are. Putting me on [Medication] is like prescribing morphine to manage the pain of a stubbed toe; it’s extreme overkill.”

Doctor: “That information is outdated. If we do not treat this condition, you can experience lack of focus, hyper-focus on inappropriate subjects, energetic—”

Me: “Stop. Are you actually just reading symptoms off the screen?! I know what symptoms I have, and I know what treatments do and don’t work. You said I should lose another fifteen to twenty pounds. Are you going to prescribe me liposuction next instead of keeping up with diet and exercise?!”

Doctor: “Well, that would be too extreme a treatment for the amount you need to lose, and—”

Me: “Exactly, and it’s the same with my brain. Are you going to drop this now?”

He is grumpy, but he adds some notes to my file. We finish the appointment, and I schedule a six-month follow-up for the weight issues and general checkup.

End of story? I WISH.

A week later, I get a call from the pharmacy I have on file.

Pharmacy: “We have a prescription to pick up for [My Name].”

Me: “I’m… not expecting anything. What prescription was it?”

Pharmacy: “It’s [ADHD Medication].”

Me: *Pauses* “Was it entered by [Doctor]?”

Pharmacy: “Yes, it was!”

Me: “Right. I apologize for this, but please cancel and undo the prescription. I will not be picking that up.”

After confirming some stuff, the next call I made was back to the doctor’s office and canceling my follow-up, leaving some EXTREMELY specific complaints as to why. The next stop is the insurance website to find a new and less pill-happy PCP.