Top Shelf Drama

I’m not that big a guy — I might hit the six-foot mark if I stand up extra straight — but I’ve got a big barrel chest which leads to me having a somewhat “big, powerful” voice. Luckily for those around me, I’m fairly soft-spoken, except when I get really excited or really angry.

This happens while masks and social distancing are very much a mandatory thing, but it’s not excusable in “normal” times, either, and that just makes it worse. While I’m standing at a display, trying to figure out which unhealthy flavor of potato chip I want, someone taps me on my shoulder. And by “taps,” I mean “jabs me with an iron spike of a finger.”

Customer: “Hey, get those chips from the top down for me.”

Me: “Uh, no. Back up, please.”

Customer: *Stepping closer* “You have to!”

Me: “Uh, let’s see. I don’t work here, and even if I did, the fact that I’m in a dingy gray hoodie and blue jeans would show I’m off the clock, so no, I don’t.”

Customer: “I’m not tall enough to reach; you are, so you have to do it!”

Me: “If you had politely said, ‘Excuse me,’ and asked like a civilized person, you’d already have your chips. But instead, you had to be rude and demanding, so no chips for you.”

I turn to walk away when this lovely individual reaches out and grabs my arm pretty roughly. She tries to pull me back to the end cap, but I lock my entire body in place.

Me: *Full volume* “LET. GO.”

It was enough to cause the normal “supermarket background chatter” to stop for a few seconds, at least directly around me. It was also enough to startle her into letting me go; the death-glare I gave her was enough to make her rethink her life choices and leave me alone.

I ended up getting the new “beer cheese” flavor, for anyone curious. It was surprisingly decent!