They’re All Mouth And No Trousers

(I work in a Halloween store.)

Customer #1: “I want to return this.”

(She pulls out a striped suit jacket, one I instantly recognize as part of a two-piece suit of an iconic Halloween movie character. I also realize the rest of her bag is empty.)

Me: “Do you have the rest of the costume?”

Customer #1: “No. Why would I need it?”

Me: “Well, you don’t have all of the costume here, so I can’t do a return. You’d need the entire costume here.”

Customer #1: *thinks for a moment* “But I only need the pants.”

Me: “I can’t do anything without the full costume.”

Customer #1: *shoves the jacket back in the bag* “Ugh. Now what am I going to do?” *storms off*

Me: *waves her off* “Have a nice day!” *turns to the next customer in line, who has a look of disbelief on her face*

Customer #2: “What a dumba**.”

Me: “I’m glad you said it, because I can’t.”