There’s A Hold Up About Being Held Up  

(I work at the till in a gas station. This conversation, complete with gestures, is depressingly common.)

Me: “Your total is [amount].”

(The customer ignores my outstretched hand to drop a hundred-dollar bill on the counter for a total less than a fifth that amount.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t take bills larger than $20.”

Customer: *huffs* “Why not?”

Me: “It drastically increases the likelihood of getting held up.”

Customer: “Well, you should say so!”

Me: “We do, sir, in several places.”

Customer: *waves his hand to show his perspective* “I don’t see that anywhere here.”

Me: “Here.” *points to sign right in front of him* “On the door.” *points to the sign at eye level* “And at the pump, in large print.” *points*

Customer: “Well, I don’t have anything else! What are you going to do about that?” *smirks*

Me: “I can call the police, sir. They like us. We give them free coffee.”

Customer: “It’ll just be your word against mine. I’ll say you stole the money and hid it.”

Me: “Sir, if I had that kind of money in my pocket at any given time, do you think I’d be standing here putting up with this?”

Customer: *glares and hands me a $20*

Me: “And your change. Have a good day, sir.”

Customer: “F*** you.” *walks out*