The Safest Answer Is Always “Twenty-One” — Except When It’s Not

This happened when I was about twenty-six or twenty-seven, and I was staying at a hotel. I was passing the time in the bar, chatting to some of the locals.

One woman came up to us, and the conversation got around to our ages; I suspect she might have steered it that way. Anyway, she asked me to guess her age. I declined, but she insisted.

Me: “No, I really shouldn’t. I always end up insulting people who ask that question, no matter how hard I try not to.”

Woman: “Go ahead! It’ll be fine!”

So, I looked at her and tried to work out whether or not she was trying to look older or younger. You see, my young, inexperienced, and awkward self back then knew that some ladies liked to make themselves appear older; to say an age that was younger would be insulting. I also knew that some ladies wanted to look younger and to say an age that was older would also be insulting.

Me: “Please don’t make me guess.”

Woman: “I insist!”

Going by the amount of foundation on her face, I suspected she wanted to look younger. She had LOADS on there. With all of that and all of the other makeup on her face, she looked like she had been at ground zero when a paint factory blew up. Had she changed the expression on her face too quickly, she could have caused a minor dust cloud to appear.

I took a rough estimate as to how old she looked to my eyes, took off ten years, and then took off a few more for good luck.

Me: “Thirty-five?”

Her smile remained on her mouth, but I could see the moment when the smile left her eyes. 

Woman: “You’re exactly right.”

I made my excuses and left the bar. I know she said she wouldn’t be upset with whatever I said, but even I could tell that she wasn’t exactly made up about my answer.