Dear readers,

Sometimes the customer can ask something so stupid, or behave in such a moronic way, that the only response that will preserve your sanity is sarcasm. Is it professional? No. It is necessary? We’ll let you decide.

We’ve rounded up ten stories about customers who were so stupid they warranted a glorious sarcastic response.

Acting Snappy – Give it a good old-fashioned technical tap.

Explanations As Clear As Water – Dangerous advice – someone this stupid might drown!

Time Waits For Slow Man – We sort of hope he didn’t drive there.

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Dear readers,

It seems like some customers expect you to know what they want before they want it. And while that might be the main job of advertisers, that isn’t what the poor minimum-wage clerk is equipped to do. We’ve received so many stories about customers expecting these poor souls to be mind-readers (and the flack they get when it turns out that they’re not!) that we’ve decided to dedicate a roundup to them.

Below are ten stories about entitled customers who were expecting the staff to be telepathic!

You Be Telepathic So I Can Be Lazy – To be fair, I was well into adulthood before I realized door sizes weren’t standardized. (That was a weird rental.)

(Telepathic) Help Wanted – You couldn’t even tell us, “It has a blue cover”?!

Taking A Gamble – I mean… it kind of worked?

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Dear readers,

The only thing we at NotAlwaysRight love more than a weird-holiday-themed roundup is food. And today, we’re celebrating National Bagel Day in the USA! Actually, Bagel Day was the fifteenth, but let’s be real. There is no wrong time to celebrate these beautiful, chewy vessels of cream cheese, bacon and eggs, lox, peanut butter… Heck, what can’t you put on a bagel? I mean, have you ever had a pizza bagel? Heaven!

Bagels are one of the most popular breakfast foods in this part of the world. And as we all know, if you’re not a morning person, you’re not always at your best at breakfast time. Here are 10 stories from our archives about bad bagel behavior!

Bagel Begone! – I’m so desperate for a bagel right now that I’d pay fifteen bucks for just one.

Must Have Been Really Important Bagels – Hits from the comments: “Much ado over muffin.”

Missed A Few Breadcrumbs Of Knowledge – I’m not sure I want to know what he thought they were made of.

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Dear readers,

Today is National Nothing Day.

That’s it. That’s the post.

Okay, fine. My boss says I still have to make a roundup for today, so here are 10 stories about notoriously lazy employees and bosses doing as close to nothing as they can. Read them quickly so you can get back to a nice, relaxing day doing nothing.

So Much Ado About Nothing – This guy worked so hard at being lazy that he almost circled back around to productive.

Your Checkout Does Not Check Out – Present me hates past me for things like this.

Pin The Tail On The Culprit – At least Eeyore didn’t screw over his coworkers.

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Dear readers,

We don’t remember everything we were taught at school, but we’d like to think we remember the basics! There are well-known facts that are so universal that when we encounter someone who is unaware of them, we fear for their basic education.

We’ve rounded up ten stories about customers who are so ignorant that they make you wonder: “What did they teach you at school?”

A Customer You Would Prefer To Circumnavigate Around – The word you’re thinking of is “circumference.”

How To Kill, To Kill A Mockingbird, Part 2 – You don’t have any books on butchering fowl for food? Or hunting?

Take It Away, Uncle Sam – The takeaway here is that you’re an idiot.

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