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As Easy As 1, 3, 2

, , , | Right | February 4, 2009

Customer: “Hi. I ordered a movie a while back and I was wondering if it’s in yet.”

Me: *checking the order history* “Unfortunately, it hasn’t arrived yet. We’re still waiting on the distributor to send it to us.”

Customer: “Oh, well how long is it going to take? I’ve been waiting for three months.”

Me: “Actually my records indicate that you ordered the movie in October.”

Customer: “Exactly. October, September, November. Three months!”

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They Might Want A See A Doctor About That

, , , | Right | February 4, 2009

Elderly Female Customer: “Hello, I’m looking for DVDs by Andre Rieu. Can you help me?”

Me: “Sure… we have Andre just here on this end rack, then we have him in this stand as well. And we also have a huge section of him in our Easy Listening section, but if you head that way, give me a yell and I’ll help you out.”

Elderly Female Customer: “My, you have a lot of him, don’t you?”

Me: “Yes, he’s rather popular at the moment. Are you going to his tour?”

Elderly Female Customer: “Yes, I got my ticket first. Most of my friends like him as well. Well, except for two… but they don’t have souls.”

Me: “…”

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Not For All The Gold In Azeroth

, , , , | Right | February 3, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store] Electronics. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Do you have World of Warcraft: Burning Crusade in stock?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Caller: “How much is it?”

Me: “$50, ma’am.”

Caller: “Oh, well… if I sleep with you, can I get your discount?”

Me: “No, ma’am, unfortunately not.” *hangs up*

Manager: “You should have told her that you would increase the price of the game if she slept with you…”

This story is part of the Bad-Gamer-Customer-themed roundup!

Read the next Bad-Gamer-Customer-themed roundup story!

Read the Bad-Gamer-Customer-themed roundup!

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A Match Made In Size 7

, , | Right | February 2, 2009

(A couple walk in, the lady in front, the man trailing tiredly behind. The lady spins around the store.)

Me: “Can I help you with anything today?”

Lady: “I need these pants in size zero, pronto.”

Me: “Who are you getting them for?”

Lady: “MYSELF! What do you think!”

(I get her what she wants, she takes them and goes into a change room.)

Lady: “HEY, these are defective! Get me another pair!”

Me: “May I suggest a bigger size?”

Lady: “Are you saying I look fat? That I can’t fit into these pants?! I’ll have you know, I always wear size zero… these pants must be made wrong! Now get me another pair!”

Man: “Honey, those are really small pants, just try a slightly bigger one.”

(Without a pause, she turns around and slaps the man.)

Lady: “Why can’t you just be on my side! That was so rude! You’re sleeping on the couch tonight!”

Man: “We don’t live together.”

Lady: “What do you mean! We moved in last week… remember?”

Man: “No… we don’t live together.”

(The lady realizes he’s not caving. She flicks a look at me, then tries a different route.)

Lady: “Well, I mean, you’re still sleeping on the couch in your own apartment! To show remorse for disrespecting me. Or else!”

Man: “Or else what?”

Lady: “Or else I’m dumping you!”

Man: “… Okay.”

Lady: “You just–you just like HER, don’t–” *walks out fast, sobbing*

(The man stayed behind and apologized to me. My shift was ending so we went for dinner, and long story short he’s now my fiance! Couldn’t ask for a better man, and I’ve got to thank that lady someday for making it all possible…)

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Why You Never, Ever Share Toothbrushes

, , , , | Right | January 29, 2009

Customer: “I need to return this toothbrush.”

Me: “Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “No. I thought it would work.”

Me: “How did it not work?”

Customer: “Well, it said it had indicator bristles, and when I peed on them they didn’t change color! How is it supposed to indicate if I’m pregnant or not?!”

Me: “Ma’am… they’re to indicate whether the toothbrush needs replacing, not whether you’re pregnant.”

Customer: *looks sheepish and leaves*

Me: *to manager* “I’m going on break now…”

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