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Misery Loves, Demands And Harasses Company

, , , , | Right | March 16, 2009

(A woman approaches the check-out, hauling her two kids with her.)

Customer: “Ugh! Don’t ever have kids; they ruin your life!”

Me: “Um, well, I don’t really plan to…”

Customer: “What?! Why not?”

Me: “Um… I don’t know; I guess I don’t want any…”

Customer: “What?! How old are you?”

Me: “Twenty-three.”

Customer: “What if you have an accident? Then you’ll HAVE to have them!”

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Please Don’t Pet The Employees

, , , , | Right | March 13, 2009

Customer: “Wow! You look so much like that guy!”

Me: “Um… what guy, ma’am?”

Customer: “You know! That rocker guy with that daughter and son.”

Me: “Do you mean Ozzy Osbourne?”

Customer: “Yeah! That guy.” *pauses* “You have such a great skin!”

(The customer begins to grab my face.)

Me: *starts pulling away* “Uh… ma’am, can you please stop touching my face?”

Customer: “Why? Come back!”

Manager: *coming out of his office* “Ma’am, please leave my store and stop harassing my staff!”

Customer: “But… why can’t I touch his face?”

Manager: “Out!”

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License To Breed

, , , | Right | March 12, 2009

(A teen of about 16 or 17 is trying to buy alcohol. She is pushing a stroller with a baby in it.)

Customer: “I just want to buy it, okay?”

Me: “May I please see some ID?”

Customer: “I have a baby here!” *points at child*

Me: “Um… that child is not your ID.”

Customer: “But I can clearly buy alcohol if I have a baby!”

Me: “Of course…”

Customer: “So you’re going to let me buy it?”

Me: “I said I’m going to need to see some ID.”

Customer: “God, keep your god-d*** beer!” *rushes out of store with stroller*

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Always Right, Even When Trafficking People

, , , , , | Right | March 10, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Home Improvement Store]. This is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, hi. I was just wondering how much your Mexicans are?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Your Mexicans. The ones you have outside in the parking lot. I need some work done on my roof and I wanted to come pick up a couple.”

Me: “Ma’am… first of all, they are called day laborers. Secondly, they don’t belong to us. They don’t belong to anyone, actually; they are people. Third, our city prohibits soliciting work in a shopping center, so we actually don’t have any workers in the parking lot. If you need work done–”

Customer: “Never mind, I’ll just shop somewhere else!” *hangs up*

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Always Right, Even If It’s Child Labor

, | Right | March 9, 2009

(I’m a painfully shy 13-year-old, and a customer somehow mistook me for an employee.)

Customer: “Can you help me find something?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “NO?!”

Me: “No!”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “…I’m not allowed to talk to strangers.”

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