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Opposite Day Strikes Again

| Right | January 22, 2009

Me: *on the phone* “[Footwear Store], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, we’re on a trip up north, and are going to drive right past you guys in a couple of hours. We’re wondering if you had a particular shoe in stock? I even have the item number so you can look it up.”

Me: “Wonderful!” *looking up item* “I’m sorry, ma’am, that particular shoe is only carried in our catalog.”

Customer: “Good, well, we don’t want to stop if you don’t have them there.”

Me: “Yeah…  well, I’m sorry to say we don’t have them here. The best we could do is order them for you.”

Customer: “Okay, great, I’m a size eight, so if you could just put those on hold that’d be great. We’re on a trip and I just want to make a quick stop to pick them up.”

Me: “I’m… sorry, ma’am, maybe you didn’t hear me. We do not have those shoes in this store.”

Customer: “Okay, we’ll be there in a couple of hours.”

Me: “No, ma’am, we don’t have them. I don’t know how else to say this… None, we have zero in stock; there’s really no need for you to come in, please… don’t come in.”

Customer: “All right, we’ll see you then.” *hangs up*

Me: “…”

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Objects May Be Larger Than They Appear

, , | Right | January 22, 2009

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’m fine. Yes. I would like to return this.” *sets down a family-sized box of cereal*

Me: “All right… do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “Yes, of course. I just bought it yesterday.”

Me: “Great! Oh, was there anything wrong with the item?”

Customer: “Why, yes there was. It didn’t fit in my pantry!”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Yes, it was too big! I bought it because it was such a good deal, and I brought it home and it didn’t fit! You really should put sizes on there or something.”

(While listening to her I place a red defect sticker above the bar code on the box.)

Customer: “There isn’t anything wrong with the cereal! I didn’t even open it!”

Me: “But you took it home, and once food has been brought home, I have to defect it out if you’re returning it.”

Customer: “What a waste!”

Me: “Would you like this back on the card you paid with, or in cash?”

Customer: “Cash, dear — I need some more cereal!”

Me: *facepalm*

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Inventory Reality Check

, , , | Right | January 20, 2009

Customer: *to me, serious* “So, are you 50% off, too?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Your sign says that everything is 50% off. That includes you, right?”

Me: “Sir, I can assure you that I am not for sale. The sale is only on Christmas items, and I am not included.”

Customer: *still serious* “But you work here! That means you’re for sale, too!”

(After a five-minute battle, he finally gave up and walked out empty-handed.)

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Off To A Great Start

, , , , | Right | January 19, 2009

Customer: “Hi, can I talk to a manager?”

Me: “I’m the manager on duty. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “YOU’RE the manager on duty?! You look like you’re about sixteen! *laughs with disbelief and scorn*

Me: “Well, I’m twenty-four, and I am a manager here. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Can I have a job application?”

Me: “Um… sure.”

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Eggs, Milk, Bondage Gear…

, , , , , | Right | January 19, 2009

(I was working for a grocery store in Panama City Beach, which is a big tourist spot. I was bagging this couple’s groceries – which included condoms – when this exchange occurred.)

Me: “So, you must be from out of town, then?”

Customer: “Yeah, we’re only here for a few days. Just getting the necessities, y’know?”

(Just then, a pair of handcuffs comes rolling down the conveyor belt.)

Me: “Just the necessities, eh?”

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