(It is fall so it’s chilly but not freezing outside.)

Me: *wearing muscle shirt and shorts*

Customer: “You must be warm blooded!”

(I’m on a first date. Just as we are finishing our meal, a waiter walks by with a carafe of beer, stumbles, and drops it on me, soaking me from head to toe.)

Date: *staring in horror, afraid I’m going to start screaming* “Are you okay?”

Me: *laughing too hard to respond, I just wave my hands at him*

(I get napkins handed me from tables all around – because the waiter has run off – and dry off as best as I can. We make plans to walk around while I dry off, so I don’t soak my car. Then the bill arrives…)

Date: “Umm… you charged us full price?”

Waiter: “Yes. Why wouldn’t I?”

Date: “Maybe because you soaked her in someone else’s beer?”

Waiter: “You didn’t complain. I can’t do anything about it.”

(We insist on speaking to a manager, who comes over.)

Manager: “I can’t give you a discount. Do you want some more rolls?”

Me: “No, we’re full. That’s why we asked for the bill.”

Manager: “Well, how about a free drink?”

Me: “No thanks, I already had one!”

(And yes, they charged us full price after all that. We found the owner on the way out and he blew us off, too.)

(My sister and I are visiting London and decide to eat at a cafe. It’s crowded, but after a small wait, we get a table. A host greets us as we enter.)

Host: “Good evening and welcome. You had a table for two, yes?”

Sister: “Yes, please.”

Host: “All right, then. You go down those stairs-” *gestures at the stairs leading to the lower dining area* “-and Sebastian will show you to your table.”

Sister: “All right. Thank you.”

Host: “Have a good evening.”

Me & Sister: “Thank you.”

(As we pass him, I see him speak to his radio, obviously not realizing I can hear him.)

Host: “All right, Sebastian, two lovely ladies coming to your way.”

(For someone with a quite low self-esteem, it was a big thing to hear. I couldn’t help but to smile, knowing that the host had no idea I had heard him. I told my sister about it and we were both quite happy about the unintentional compliment we got.)

(I’m on my first internship at a hotel restaurant and have received good praise from the boss and the other workers. It’s my second day and since it’s late November, the restaurant is fully booked for various company’s Christmas parties. I’ve just turned 18 and I am legally allowed to serve alcohol to customers. My coworker instructs me what to do and warns me about how ‘free spirited’ the customers can (and will) be. They also tell me that I should report immediately if something happens. The first hour passes by fast and many of the guests are dancing in the middle of the floor. I go to pick up some of the plates from an empty table in one of the corners of the room when someone suddenly grabs my butt. I turn around and see a man around fifty-years-old.)

Me: “What are you doing?!” *I immediately respond and take his hands of my back*

Customer: “Don’t be such a heartbreaker, darling. I was just admiring your behind and couldn’t help myself.”

(He smirks jokingly. To my surprise he doesn’t seem drunk at all.)

Me: “Well, sir, I’m sorry to inform you but I feel very uncomfortable.”

Customer: “Well I have a suggestion that the two of us could move to a more quiet place and maybe get to know each other better.”

(Before I can respond the man proceeds to grab me and drag me out of the room. In my state of panic I catch a glance towards the kitchen door and see, on one of the female coworkers, a shocked face, and how she rushes through the door. The man just reaches the exit when the security chief, a tall and very muscular man, enters through the kitchen doors. He spots the man dragging me out and runs to us.)

Security: “And where are you going with our waiter? I suggests NOWHERE!”

(The entire room stopped and turned to us and the man became pale as a ghost, let me go, and then headed towards the exit. After the man ran away the boss came down and asked if I was all right. I was sent home early to get a good night’s sleep. The scary thing was that the man wasn’t even on the guest list. He had just entered the party without anyone’s permission!)

(I’m taking drive-thru orders over the speaker box. This particular fast-food chain is known for making burgers “your way” – adding or removing condiments, no matter what the request. Condiments such as lettuce and tomato are free within reason, but some customers try to get away with ordering a plain burger, and then requesting all of the condiments be added, assuming they will get a burger with everything for the price of a plain one.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Fast Food Restaurant]. Place your order when you’re ready, please.”

Customer: “I’ll have a hamburger, please.”

Me: “Sure thing; one hamburger is $1.10. Is there anything e-”

Customer: *”On the hamburger, I’d like cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, and mayonnaise.”

Me: “No worries. That’s one Junior [Brand-name] burger with cheese. That’s $2.85; is there anything else?”

Customer: “… Oh, uh, I’ve changed my mind. How much is a five inch bun on its own?”

Me: “60c.”

Customer: “I’ll get a five inch bun, with sauce, mayo, lettuce, tomato, onion, and cheese.”

Me: “Sure thing. So, that’s a [full-priced burger] minus the meat. That’ll be $3.85… Drive through, please.”

Customer: “D*** IT! You guys are meant to be stupid high-school drop-outs that are easy to fool. Just give me the burger with the meat on it then, thanks.”