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A Not-So-Super Senior

| Learning | May 20, 2013

(I overhear the principal reminding a student of school rules.)

Student: “You don’t have to tell me the rules! I’m not stupid. I’ve been at this high school for five years!”

And Drums For A Comedic Rimshot

, , | Learning | May 19, 2013

(We’re being taught guitar in my first-year music class. During the class, one of the strings breaks on my guitar. I am going to get another guitar from the store cupboard.)

Teacher: *shouting* “Oh, you’ve left your G string behind!”

Me: “Aren’t guitarists used to finding those lying around stage?”


This story is part of our Music In Our Schools roundup!

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Half-Baked Jokes Can Lead To Dough-leful Regrets

, , | Learning | May 17, 2013

(I am in baking class and my group is making hamburger buns. A classmate plops some bread dough in his mouth.)

Me: “You did not just do that!”

Classmate: *smirking* “Yeah, I did.”

Me: “You do know you’re not supposed to eat bread dough, right?!”

Classmate: “Why? The teacher didn’t see.”

Me: “You do know what bread dough does when we leave it in a bowl with a towel over it, right?”

Classmate: “Yeah, it expands.”

Me: “What do you think it does in your stomach?”

Classmate: “That doesn’t even make sense!”

Me: “Your stomach is full of gasses that create a certain temperature that allows the bread dough to leaven. Then, it expands and eventually your stomach can’t handle it and it explodes!”

Classmate: *nervously* “Yeah right; nice try.”

(Some of the other classmates notice what’s going on and tell him that his stomach will explode. At this point he becomes horrified, and decides to ask the teacher if it’s true.)

Teacher: *pretending to be horrified* “You what?! How much did you eat?!”

Classmate: “Only a small ball; about the size of one of the ice cream scoops.”

Teacher: “Oh no! What have you done?!”

(At this point, my classmate is absolutely horrified and starts freaking out and asking if he needs to go to the hospital. We finally can’t take anymore and the group starts to laugh including the teacher. The classmate was very embarrassed and never ate bread dough again!)

There’s No Way To Sugar Coat This

| Learning | May 15, 2013

(My biology class is currently studying human reproduction. A male classmate raises his hand to ask a question.)

Biology Teacher: “Yes, [classmate]?”

Classmate: “Uh, yeah. I was wondering… if semen has glucose in it, does it taste sweet?”

(The entire class erupts in laughter.)

Biology Teacher: “Well, you’ll never know unless you find out for yourself.”

(The class erupts in laughter again as her eyes go wide and she clasps both hands over her mouth.)

Calling Her A Math Teacher Would Be Charitable

| Learning | May 14, 2013

(Most teachers at my school are multi-subject teachers, but this teacher isn’t.)

Teacher: “…and only 45% of your parents in this class donated! That’s 65% that didn’t donate!”

(The entire class sits in silence for a moment.)

Me: *whispers to friend* “This is why she isn’t a math teacher.”